A look back, reflections, hindsight, and all that other end-of-the-year stuff

I'm not a huge fan of the year-in-review thing.  I tend to put the TV on mute when they do some cliched montage.  And I find the endless top 10 lists annoying.  New Year's Eve celebrations have never been particularly interesting to me.  I've spent most of them on my couch with a friend or two watching movies and consuming junk food and avoiding the usually horrid weather outside.  But I suppose...since this is a blog after all, that I should do some sort of look back on what happened in my life in 2009. I guess I'll go month by month.

January: I participated in sorority recruitment and pledged Delta Gamma.  Like I said in my first blog post, it hasn't always been peaches and cream, but I have met and become friends with some of the most amazing women I know.  Probably one of the best decisions I have made or will ever make.  IU Ballet Theater put on a small, free show called "Ballet on the Edge" in which I was fortunate enough to be cast.  Though the snow day (first one in 13 years) caused our show to be postponed a day and relocated from the Theater to the studio, it was still a fun experience.


February: I always think February is way too long.  By then, winter is entering it's 3rd (or 4th) month and you just want it to be warm again.  Nothing much happened, save for the DG crush dance, which was fun.  Though I think I was way too sober to be there. I can't forget IU Sing.  Definitely a fun event, but an experience I would prefer not to repeat.  Trying to teach frat guys how to dance is not exactly easy.  Oh, and about a week later, my mom came to visit for DG mom's weekend.  Highlights included a game of beer pong at a frat house.  She even drank out of a red cup.  Classy.

March: March saw Initiation, Spring Break in Phoenix with my mom, and Swan Lake.  It was so awesome to be finally initiated.  On a whim, I got to do Spring Break.  My mom had a conference out there and she asked me to go with her, so I spent a few days soaking up some sun.  That week I also got to see my best friend from high school.  I'm really bad at staying in touch with her, so it was great to see her.  I Performed Swan Lake for the first time.  While it was not the full-length version and we sometimes questioned MV's choreographic choices, it was a rewarding experience, even with the Vegas costumes and the frustrating conductor.  You can stream it on demand here.

April: I turned 21.  It was not the best birthday ever, but it did fall during Little 500 week.  And I turned 21 as a college freshman, of which many people are jealous.  Mostly, I was just glad because I could order a glass of wine out at dinner.  And getting to go to Kilroy's without having to worry whether or not a fake is going to work is a nice perk, too.  Little 5 was an absolute blast.  DG placed 6th in the women's race.  Unfortunately, I never actually made it to the men's race.  Screwdrivers at 11 am the day after my 21st pretty much did me in.  Never, ever, ever again.

May: Saw my freshman year of college come to an end.  While this was bittersweet, I was definitely glad for it to be summer.

June/July: Worked as an RA/receptionist slave for the Milwaukee Ballet.  While at times the hours were long and frustrating, I loved all the girls I worked with and all most of the kids of whom I was in charge, particularly those who we took to see Half-Blood Prince.  Speaking of which--the long-awaited 6th film installment of my favorite book series of all time came out, and a few of the RAs went to see it at the midnight showing and again later in the week with the kids.  At the midnight showing, we went to an older movie theater where we sat at tables and were served wine and junk food.  It was delightful.  The film didn't disappoint either.  It is my favorite thus far.  David Yates did (most of) the fandom proud.  I got to see Emily, who I had not seen since summer 2008, a few times, so that was nice, too.  Also, a lot of celebrities died.  Which was depressing.

August: Moved back to school and into the Deeg :) I love every minute of it.  On a less fun note, two of the girls from my class in the Ballet Department did not return for their sophomore year.  They are both still dancing (thank goodness), but I haven't seen one of them since August and the other since October.  It is sad.  I have so many good friends scattered across the country it's ridiculous.  I miss you all, btw.


September: This month is kind of a blur.  Highlights include the Freshmen ballet party, in which the upperclassmen got more intoxicated than the freshmen (whoops!), my first (and definitely not last) Kilroy's $2 Tuesday, and the Ben Folds concert at the IU Auditorium.

October: Performed Diaghilev's Les Noces in October.  Basically the only thing I care to say about this is that I'm glad we got through it.  And I'm glad it's over.  I went as the Golden Snitch for Halloween.  I was very proud of my costume and thankful to Maggie who helped me put it together.  Though my wings broke not even halfway through the night and actual Halloween night wasn't a particularly earth-shatteringly awesome one, it was fun nonetheless.  Homecoming and the DG semi-formal also fell during October.  Unfortunately, I was rather sick with an upper respiratory infection during a lot of Homecoming week, but I did make it to the tailgate...for a little while, at least.  Semi-formal was also fun, and I had an absolute blast!!  My family also moved into my mom's fiance's house during this month.  I wasn't there for the move :(

November: Mostly, there were lots of birthdays to celebrate.  And school was pretty stressful, too. I also participated in Indiana University Dance Marathon 2009 as a dancer.  Hands down one of the most rewarding experiences of my life.  Not only did I stand up for 36 hours, I did it on no caffeine was was hyper and untired for most of those 36 hours.  I fell in love with the amaaazing line dance and with every single one of those Riley kids.  I'm looking forward to hopefully joining a committee in January.  FTK.  ALC.

December: Wrote a Shakespeare research paper, which just about killed me.  Thankfully, I did ok on it.  I Performed yet another Nutcracker.  This time as a snowflake, flower demi soloist, Clara's mom, Mirlitons, and Spanish depending upon the night.  Rehearsals were long and tedious, but the show was so worth it.  Didn't have any exams, came home on the 14th, and have been hangin' with the fam ever since.  The Project for Awesome (#p4a) was a lot of fun.  #P4A was even a trending topic on Twitter for most of the 48 hours, and it reached number 1 while Maureen Johnson was hosting the livestream.  Christmas was great (see below).  Received my grades, and for the 3rd consecutive semester, I have a 4.0 :)

Miscellaneous 2009 things:

1. Had my first drunken kiss with a boy I had hardly spoken to.  This is not something I'm particularly proud of, but it's kind of funny, so I figured I would share.

2. Became a die-hard GLEEk.  Can't believe there aren't anymore episodes til effing April.

3. Fell in love with (500) Days of Summer.

4. Saw a Michael Jackson tribute band at the Bluebird.  So good.

5. Cried (and not the happy kind) when my mom announced her engagement to me.  I later came around :)

Can't think of anything else random at the moment, but I will probably update this when I do.  Mostly, it was just another year.  Nothing particularly ground-breaking happened.  I didn't win the Nobel Peace Prize like Obama did.  I didn't procure some fabulous ballet job (because I didn't audition because I want to finish school).  But it was definitely the year that was.

It's very strange that it will soon be 2010.  Yet another new decade.  And 2010 is the year I'm supposed to graduate college--that is, if I'd gone to school on time.  I'll be turning 22 (WHAT?!) in April, which just plain scares the crap out of me.  It's interesting to think that we're entering another decade because A LOT can happen in ten years.  I mean, I was 11 during the Milennium celebrations.  11!!  I hadn't even gotten my first pair of pointe shoes yet...or attended my first summer ballet program.  People can meet, get married, and have babies in ten years.  How many times were you asked in elementary school, "Where do you think you will be in ten years?"  I normally replied to this question with, "Hopefully dancing with a ballet company and then getting married."  Well, I was half right, I suppose.  (At 18 and 19, I was dancing with NCDT and Tulsa Ballet, respectively).  Here's to a new decade and another ten years.  I hope they will be good to you.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

In which I don't have someone to kiss at midnight

Ok.  I get it already.  I understand.  I need to stop looking and relax.  Whoever he is will eventually come out of nowhere and sweep me off my feet when I least expect it.  Got it.

But damn, it really sucks to be single sometimes.  Especially when your mom is happier than she's ever been...and occasionally rubs it in your face when you're sitting on the couch next to her and her fiance gazing lovingly into each other's eyes while watching The Sound of Music.  Especially when practically all of your best friends appear to have perfect boyfriends.  Especially when you go to Facebook, see a last name you don't recognize, and find that yet another person you know recently got married.  Please don't misunderstand.  I am not trying to be jealous.  I'm so beyond happy for all of these said people.  I just wish these things didn't remind me so much of my perpetual single-ness and make me feel so lonely.

I am a pretty independent person.  I traveled halfway across the country to attend high school a thirteen hour drive from my home at fourteen, for crying out loud.  I have lived in two different apartments since graduation, and still find it kind of weird when people don't know how to do their own laundry.  I'm not trying to say that I'm some stoic and emotionally very strong person.  Because I'm not.  I'm actually too emotional.  Sometimes I cry at the drop of a hat just because it's the only way I can deal with things.  When I get mad or stressed, I don't yell or eat or be quiet, I cry.  Which, yes, I realize is not the ideal thing to do.  What I am trying to say, however, is that I don't understand why I feel this lonely when I am an independent young woman with plenty of friends and family and love to go around.  I simply shouldn't feel this lonely.  And what upsets me more is that I have convinced myself that life would be better with a boyfriend.  Maybe it would, but I need to remind myself that I have very little spare time as it is, and, let's face it, boyfriends take up time.  And at the moment, I'm unsure if my schedule could handle it.

I didn't used to care about this as much as I currently do.  Dancing with North Carolina Dance Theatre and Tulsa Ballet for two years was time consuming and I didn't have time to really even think about boys.  Plus, the only ones I really met were either very taken, married, or gay.  They were awesome.  Just not possibilities.  And I could have cared less.  I guess going to college has made me this way.  The social scene was an awful adjustment.  It's fun, but definitely overwhelming.  Apparently, I'd been living under a rock for the first 20 years of my life because until I started school, I had never even heard the term "hooking up."  Ok...that's an exaggeration.  I had heard it, but didn't know what it meant.  I still really don't.  I mean, yeah, I get it--physical stuff without emotional attachment or obligation.  I'm just not a fan.  I'll admit I have had a couple of drunken make-out sessions with boys I barely knew, but that's about it as far as no-strings-attached physical involvement.  I'm not a prude, just guarded and afraid of getting hurt (which is another topic entirely).

So, I'm trying to convince myself that I don't need a boyfriend.  That I should just relax and have fun and live instead of pining away for someone I have yet to meet.  I'm trying.  And this semester has taught me a lot about that.  And being home and focusing on the holidays has been a welcome respite from the social pressures of school (and for the down time in which all I think about is how it'd be real nice to have a boy to cuddle with right then).  So, for those of you who do have significant others, enjoy their company and kiss them at midnight on New Year's Eve.  I'll probably be home having a movie marathon with me, myself, and a bottle of wine...or at a bar with friends scoping out the single men to share a New Year's make-out with...oops.

P.S. As I am depressed about Christmas being over, I'm currently listening to one of my many Pandora Christmas stations in order to further my denial that it's December 28th.

On Christmas Traditions and Additions

This year, Christmas was a little different.  For those of you who don't know, my mom is due to get married in February (to a wondeful, wonderful guy) and we (my mom, brother, and I) have been moved into his house with his two college-aged sons since October.  It was a strange adjustment.  I wasn't around for the move, and my house is a four hour drive from my school, so I don't get home very often.  The first time I saw the house was at Thanksgiving, and everything was already moved in and situated, and I felt a little discombobulated.  I mean, don't get me wrong, I was sooo happy to be living there, but I had been living in my old house since I was five.  We moved there from the Chicago suburbs, and, after my mom's divorce, it was a constant.  I could always come home to it.  I went away to high school and took two years off to dance in two different ballet companies after graduation and have been gone a long time, so I don't have a terribly strong connection to my hometown, but that house was always my respite, my piece of familiarity, etc.  So to come "home" to some place completely new was weird and different, to say the least.

But, somehow, I managed to figure it all out, and I went back to school, finished up my final papers, and got home the 14th.  I've been home for two weeks and feel a bit more adjusted than I did at Thanksgiving.  However, Christmas was definitely different this year.  I knew it would be...a new house, a soon-to-be step-dad, two soon-to-be step-brothers, four dogs, two cats, (and a partridge in a pear tree), is a lot to handle.  On Christmas Eve, we went to my grandma and grandpa's house for dinner like we've done since I can remember and then to their church for Christmas Eve service.  Much as I like their church, it would have been nice to have gone to ours.  Also, my grandpa isn't doing so hot lately, so in order to get him to church, they had to pack the wheelchair in the car.  That was hard.  After church, we came home, but, unlike Christmases past, my mom didn't have any Christmas PJs for us to unwrap.  She "didn't know we wanted them."  Didn't know we wanted them?!  I ALWAYS want Christmas PJs.  Oh well.  No biggie, I guess.

Then, on Christmas morning, we woke up (late--9:30 I think it was), opened our stockings from "Santa," had waffles and drank some Christmas blend, and then my brother and I reluctantly drove to our dad's house for Christmas dinner.  The last time we spent Christmas with my dad was before I went away to school, so, to say it was weird doesn't even begin to cover it.  Now, don't mistake, I love my dad, but I don't exactly like him.  We haven't clicked in about five years.  We don't talk regularly and it's hit-or-miss whether we're going to get along when we see each other.  But that's another story entirely.  Anyway, we had turkey and green beans and mashed potatoes and all the fixins, but my brother and I were definitely glad when it was over.  We then returned home, opened up our presents (Santa was good to me this year) in the late afternoon, and ended the day with steak, mashed potatoes, and wine.  Lots of wine.

Yesterday, we got up early and headed up to Michigan to see my mom's fiance's family.  I was a bit nervous to be meeting so many new people (21 in total I believe), but they were so welcoming and fun that it ended up being a blast!  We had yet another Christmas dinner (take 3? 4?), sat around and drank wine, and played several violent rounds of Spoons and Taboo.  Then the adults left and the "kids" stayed at one of the cousins' houses, watched The Hangover (which I'm very surprised I thought was hysterical), and went to bed late.  We drove home in the snow this afternoon, and here I sit on my bed in my new house with my new cat purring next to me.

Like Buck said in his vlog the other day, Christmas changes, but it's ok.  I think I can get used to this.  Christmas isn't always going to be as brilliant or as awesome as it was last year, but it will always be different.  It might even be better.  I can't wait for the wedding in mid-February.  I've never seen my mom this happy in my life.  And that, my friends, is more of a present than anything Santa could have left me under the tree.

Merry Christmas and best wishes (loljohngreenjokes) for 2010!!!

A Triumphant (?) Return to the Blogosphere

Hi.  For those who don't know me, I'm Ellen.  I hate writing these "first post" things because they're kind of annoying and I HATE writing about myself.  Mostly because it makes my life sounds pretty lame.  Which it is.  So...yeah.  Anyway, I've decided to start blogging again.  Now, I've tried this a few times in the past with very little success, but I'm going to seriously try this time.  I mean it.  I'll make it a New Year's Resolution (which, let's face it, people rarely keep, but whatever).

Some things you should know about me (this is a random list--obviously my life has more facets than this, but it's a brief overview):

1. I'm a dancer.  A serious one.  Ballet was my first love and always will me.  My life revolves around it.  I attend Indiana University as a ballet major.  I'll be graduating a year early in 2011, and, hopefully, by then I will have a job as a full company member somewhere.  It's weird to have known what I wanted to do since I was 8.  Most people in college still don't know what they want to do.  I always have.  That's pretty awesome, but also heartbreaking because if I don't get a job dancing, I honestly don't know what I'll do.  Have you ever wanted something so badly it hurt?  That's how I feel about getting a ballet job.

2. I am probably the biggest worrywart you will ever meet.  Seriously.  It's a problem.  Sometimes I think I should be medicated for my anxiety, but then I remember how much I hate medicine.

3. I joined Delta Gamma when I went to college.  Firstly, I never thought I would rush in a million years...and...it is an interesting experience to say the least.  Mostly it's wonderful and a good break from ballet, but sometimes it's a little much.  I'm sure many of my sisters will agree with me.

4. I am a very, very passionate person.  I throw myself completely into everything I do, which sometimes gets me into trouble.  I get too attached to things and am WAY too emotional, but I think most of the time that's a a good thing.

5. I like Harry Potter.  If you have a problem with that, go read the books.

6. My faith is really important to me.  I couldn't get through life without Jesus.  He's awesome.

7. My friends are also really important to me.  I don't get to see some of my friends very often.  They are all over the country and it's a bummer.  I need to make more of an effort to call them more often and skype them more often and do all those other things you do to stay in touch.  I'm kinda bad at that.  But now it's in writing so I have to follow through.

8. I used to vlog on YouTube.  And by "used to" I mean the last time I made a video was almost a whole year ago.  I've been thinking about starting it up again, but I'm not sure.  See, one of the reasons I stopped were the fact that I kinda think I suck at vlogging.  I watch all these other people and they are so good at it.  And I suck.  And my life is boring.  Also, YouTube just got REALLY big.  Like, SO big.  And that's intimidating.  Hmm...I guess I'll have to continue thinking about whether or not I'll start it up again.

9. I've never been in love.  Which is ok.  But it kinda sucks sometimes.

10. My family, while crazy and complicated, is my rock.

I think that's enough for now.  I would love to read your comments so comment away please!  This should be fun.  And I promise to make more of a commitment to this than I have with previous blogs.  Bye for now.