BEDA Trente-et-un...The End.

I know I ran out of steam towards the end of BEDA, but blame school and moving in and readjusting and fun for that, not me!  I've definitely enjoyed this month of documenting life and interacting with you, my dear readers.  You guys are seriously awesome. 

I had my Chaucer class for the first time today, and my prof seems both incredibly brilliant and awesomely funny.  She also proclaimed herself a nerd at least twice while introducing herself, so that's always a plus.  I definitely think the Geoffrey is going to be challenging, but so worth it.  And then ballet went pretty well today, too...first day of pointe in a while, but it wasn't too bad.  But I had dead shoes so that wasn't too fun. 

And the rest of my day has been pretty chilled out.  All set to go out to what's known as $2 Tuesday at Bloomington's most popular bar.  Btw, $2 is my favorite night of the week.  Love it.

I was hoping to come up with some grand conclusion to this month of typing feverishly, etc., but I can't seem to find one.  I guess all I'll say is that it was fun, but I definitely don't want to attempt it for at least another year.  I'll stick with my every few days posts...when I actually have something to talk about.  Hope all you fellow BEDAers have enjoyed doing it...and thanks for keeping me motivated!  Love you all.  And Happy September!!!!

BEDA Trente...First day of school and home stretch of BEDA

The above picture is of our performance space at IU.  I cannot wait to start work on Noir, Allegro Brilliante, and The Baker's Dances.  YAY!

Today was my first day of my senior year.  For those of you who don't know, I'm graduating a year early from school because a) I have enough credits to do so, b) I need to get out into the ballet/dancing world as soon as possible before my body breaks down and I'm an old woman, and c) My family can't afford a 4th year of college.  I think it's going to be a good semester.

I'm teaching at 8 am with another girl in the ballet department, but there are only 4 people enrolled in our class, so I think they're trying to combine the intermediate level with the advanced level, which my dear friend Alyssa is teaching.  This would be awesome because, not only would it be a bigger class (small classes are hard to motivate), but also would be split between the three of us, so I'd only have to get up at an ungodly hour every third week.  Which would be amazing.  So I'm hoping that happens.

My Ancient Greek Culture class looks like it's going to be very cool.  My prof is, like, the cutest nerd ever.  She can't be a day over 35, came in with her cap-sleeved oxford shirt tucked into a navy skirt with red heels on, bun in hair, and adorable over-sized black rimmed nerdglasses.  And she was just generally adorable, and I think I'm really going to enjoy her lectures.

And then ballet was, well, ballet, but we had Guo Ping (my favorite teacher in the department), and I didn't have as bad a class as I was expecting to, and I love IUBT so much.  No, seriously.  Most amazing group of dancer friends I've ever had. 

Tonight, I'm gonna stay in, do the reading assignment for Ancient Greek Culture, and watch some television. 

I can't believe BEDA is almost over.  And I only missed one day.  But it's ok, because I truly spaced the fact that I hadn't blogged on Saturday.  My fault.  I've definitely enjoyed this month of documenting my life, while, I'll admit, it's probably not that interesting.  Last post tomorrow.  And I promise, I will not neglect this blog ever again.  Though my posts, of course, will not be every day beginning Wednesday.  To the rest of you starting school this week, good luck.  To those who haven't started yet, I'm a little jealous you're still enjoying your summer.  To those of you who are no longer in school, please convince me that the "real world" isn't scary and threatening.  Night, ya'll.  <3

BEDA Vingt-Huit/Neuf...I'm riding the BEDA Fail Boat

Ok, so here's the thing.  I got to school on Thursday and since then, it has been fun thing after fun thing after fun thing and I haven't been spending much of my time glued to my laptop.  And, apparently I failed at writing in this blog yesterday.  So that sucks.  Because I swore I wouldn't fail BEDA...and I think I have.  Because I missed a day.  Stupid, Ellen.  UGHHHH!

Anyway, so...yesterday, I went to the IU Outdoor pool for a Dance Marathon pool party...in which mostly all that happened was a bunch of outgoing, drunk (or really hungover) college kids got together to "raise money for the kids" and basically check each other out.  It was a pretty hilarious sight, but it was nice to be in the sun and see my committee members who I'd been away from all summer.  Love them all.  Then my mom and step-dad stopped by to drop off the rest of my stuff (and they stayed for far too short a time).  And then I went to Kilroy's (my favorite Bloomington bar...it was recently voted number 5 on a list of the 50 best college bars in American...*gloats*) for dinner/happy hour, ended up staying til 8, ordering pizza to a fraternity house with the friends I was with, consuming said pizza (and an entire bottle of prosecco between 6 people), and then going back to Kilroy's and staying til 2 in the morning.  So much fun.  Maybe not the most responsible fun.  But, seriously...so fun.  And I missed that. 

Today, I went out on boats on Lake Monroe with the rest of my house for a welcome-back-to-the-house sisterhood event.  It was fun, but things that happened made me a bit upset, and I don't care to elaborate here, so we'll just say I had a good time.  And then I reunited with one of my Y'ALL trip friends at Panera, and boy was it good to see her.  And currently, I sit, listening to my Mumford & Sons Pandora station, staring at the few cars that pass by the house, trying to organize my life for school to begin tomorrow.  First on the agenda tomorrow is teaching elective ballet...which actually won't be teaching as so much an orientation thing for the students.  After this semester, I will have taught advanced, beginner, and intermediate levels of elective ballet, so I'll see how they all compare.  Then I have Ancient Greek Culture at 10:10 and then, of course, ballet at 11:30...and whatever else they decide to throw on the schedule.  I'm so pumped to start learning Allegro Brilliante.  Yay life! 

Alright, Imma go figure out my life and try to get some rest so I can wake up for my 8 am tomorrow.  I'm sorry I failed BEDA.  Love you all.  <3

BEDA Vingt-Sept...No time to write; too busy having a blast

That picture was a twitpic retweeted by IU's twitterfeed of the pond in the arboretum with the Wells Library in the background.  Gorgeous isn't it?

This is going to be a fairly short post, but I didn't want to skip it completely because I made a promise to myself that I would finish BEDA and I don't go back on promises. 

I am currently sitting at my desk, which faces the window, which looks out onto one of the main drags of campus, and I can't stop smiling.  It is even more beautiful here than I remember it.  I know that this may seem like complete and utter bullshit, but IU really is one of the best places I've ever been.  I love everything about it here, and it took me until I literally drove into campus, parked my car in the garage, and had reunions with some of the most amazing people in the whole world for me to remember that.  All summer I felt like I was missing IU, but I was filled with sheer dread every time I thought about it for some reason.  But I really had nothing to worry about.  It is as amazing (and, perhaps even more amazing) as ever, and I'm so happy to be back.

Last night, I went to two of the dancers' apartment (along with most of the rest of the department), and we sat around and drank too much wine and played Kings and laughed and hugged and it was lovely.  And I love everyone.  And I'm gonna get back to having the most fun ever.  K bye.

Currently stuck in my head: Too busy having fun to listen to music...

BEDA Vingt-Six...Back in the promised land

I'm so glad I'm back at school.  While there's always a period of readjustment, when I was driving into campus, I was literally grinning like an idiot.  This place is so beautiful and I've already seen so many of my favorite people in the world.  And I'm taking major-taught ballet tomorrow and there's the Jacobs School welcome ice cream social (which has become one of my favorite events ever) and there's a ballet party tonight and AHH!  I am so happy. 

I really don't have much else to report.  Oh, except driving on the interstate actually wasn't superhorrendouslyawful scary like my mom made me think it was and I made it here in one piece (praise Jesus).  And I haven't decorated at all and there are still boxes all over my floor.  Thank goodness I didn't bring all my stuff today and the madre and Dave are bringing the rest Saturday...much less stressful to do it in two parts.  Also, I had Mockingjay sent to my sorority house, so it is now in my possession, though I fear if I pick it up and start reading I will lose valuable hang-out time, so I'm gonna hold off until at least tomorrow.  

Forgive the short post, but there are friends to attend to :)

Currently stuck in my head: "Mine" by the always overplayed T-Swift.  Does anyone else think she sounds kinda flat in that song?

BEDA Vingt-Cinq...Dream Weddings, College, and Esther

Coco + James // Teaser from Americana Cinema on Vimeo.

How about a pretty video instead of a pretty picture today?  Watch it.  Seriously.  Coco Rocha (for those of you who don't obsessively read Vogue or drool over Fashion Week, she is pretty much a supermodel...also her blog is lovely, so you should check it out) recently married James Conran, and she posted both a teaser and a short film of the wedding (which was in France! in a castle!!!), and I just think it is to die for beautiful.  I can only hope that my wedding will be half that beautiful when I tie the knot with the as-yet-unknown man of my hypothetical dreams.

I've been busy, busy, busy packing and have everything in the car set to jet out of here at 7 or 7:30 in the morning (yikes...gonna be needing coffee).  Please pray for safe travels...I am not really a fan of driving on the interstate.  I literally cannot wait to get down to Bloomington and see everyone, but I had a very odd experience tonight while packing.  I realized that this may have been the last summer I spend in this house in this bedroom.  In essence, this may have been my last summer break ever. (Well, aside from summers off that most ballet dancers are granted, but even if I have that, I probably won't come back home for those.)  It was just weirdly nostalgic and kind of sad and I don't know...I just feel a little strange.  I'm sure I will forget all about that when I walk down Jordan Ave. tomorrow, but still...just a bit of an odd feeling.

I'm off to bed so I don't pass out behind the wheel tomorrow morning, but I just wanted to offer up my condolences to Esther Earl's family and friends.  For those who don't know, Esther was a passionate Harry Potter fan and Nerdfighter and she touched the lives of so many within the Nerdfighter community with her pure and open and unfailingly kind heart.  I did not know her personally, but did follow her on youtube and twitter, and she just seemed like such an amazing spirit.  She passed away early this morning after a four year long battle with cancer.  It is very sad to see someone so young be taken from us, but it's also amazing to see the strength of the community around her.  What a remarkable young woman.  You can follow her family's blog here.  Esther, rest in awesome.

Currently stuck in my head: "My Name is Lincoln" from The Island soundtrack by Steve Jablonsky...it is the music for the above video and, when I heard it, I immediately downloaded it and listened to it 15 times tonight according to iTunes...I'm thinking about it as a possibility for choreography project in the spring...stay tuned!

BEDA Vingt-Quatre...So much to do before school

Oh my goodness, I have soooooooo much to do between now and Thursday morning.  It really isn't funny at all.  I'm literally going crazy.  HELP!

Today, I worked out at the Y (thank goodness it's open again) and then came home and studied basically all afternoon.  Upon my mom's arrival home, we made sandwiches-time out...I literally just typed sammiches-and headed to our local outlet mall (and by local I mean about a 25 minute drive from us) to do some "school shopping."  Can I still call it that even though I'm a college student?  Anyway, it was a pretty productive trip, and, while we shelled out probably a bit more cash than we would have cared to, I came home with a pretty great haul.  And now I can't wait for crisp autumn air in Bloomington so I can don my cute new fall clothes.

Tomorrow I'm going to the beach with my best friend from home and her sister, so we can have a final day of hang-out time before both her sister and I head back to IU and she heads back to Arizona.  I swear, we haven't spent more than a couple weeks together at one time since I was fourteen, but she is one of my dearest friends, and I never want that to change.  And then, of course, there is the laborious process of trying to figure out how to get most of my stuff into my car (my mom is coming down to bring the rest on Saturday) tomorrow evening so I can get on the road bright and early Thursday morning.  The only way that's going to happen is with lots of help from Madre and Step-dad.  And, of course, a GIGANTIC travel mug of coffee Thursday AM.

I still don't have my hands on Mockingjay, so please keep the spoilers to yourself, thank you very much.  I'm glad that fellow collegians, Marlena and Leah don't yet have it in their possession either, so I don't feel so bad.  Alrighty, I'm off to do more homework (with one glass of pinot grigio in me, which should be interesting).  Congrats to the wonderfully talented Karen Kavett for being chosen to curate the front page of YouTube today.  On a more subdued, less spazzy note, please keep Nerdfighter Esther and her family in your prayers tonight.  She is currently in the ICU fighting for her life. You can read updates from her family here.  She is truly a remarkable person, and I'm praying that she keeps putting up a fight.  And with that, I'm over and out.  Peace.

Currently stuck in my head: "Waka Waka" by Shakira. I'm reminiscing about the World Cup...totally missing it right now.

BEDA Vingt-Trois...Mockingjay and Fulfilling Stereotypes

The above happened on Twitter earlier today.  Kind of freaking epic.

I cannot believe Mockingjay comes out tonight.  What I also cannot believe is how I was supposed to go to the western suburbs of Chicago for the Magic Tree Books midnight release party, and how now I have to babysit (albeit only during the dinner hour), and there is not one single Mockingjay release party happening in my area.  I know...it's blasphemy.  Whatever.  I will wait patiently til tomorrow, I suppose.  In the meantime, I'm working feverishly on homework, reading Prep by Curtis Sittenfeld (which I'm enjoying a lot, by the way...I had always thought it was some Gossip Girlesque book about East Coast prep schools, but it is a surprisingly smart look at an native Midwesterner-she's from Indiana(!)-trying to fit in/blend in/be invisible in a school full of rich kids with rich parents in a world where nothing seems like a facade), and going to have a slumber party outside in the family tent with my dearest friend from home, staying up late, talking, and eating copious amounts of junk food.  So, no Mockingjay spoilers PLEASE!!!!

I'm sorry the last two days of my blogging ventures have proved to be quite weak and basically an epic failure.  But hopefully I will make up for it in the remaining days of August.

I'm currently drooling over every single thing in the September J. Crew catalogue including these beautiful boots.  I think I want to purchase either a pair of clogs, chukka boots, brogues , oxfords, or a version of the aforementioned lace-up flat slouchy boots for fall (as I cannot afford anything from J. Crew right at this moment).  Your thoughts?  I think I'm going to get back to mes devoirs (that's homework for those of you who took Spanish or German in high school) and figuring out how it might be possible for me to get to New York for the midnight release of DH Part 1 to see Sarah and others.  The only problem is that Thanksgiving break isn't until the 23rd and the movie comes out the 19th.  And things with Nutcracker are always crazy busy/crazy important before Thanksgiving because when we get back from our brief respite full of gravy and cranberry sauce and pumpkin pie, it's immediately tech week and performance time.  Hmmm.  But I really, really want to be in New York for that.  Ugh.  Please, please, please suggest blogging topics for the rest of the BEDA in the comments.  I really need the guidance.  Thanks, beauties.  Love, me

Currently stuck in my head: "He Loves You Not" by Dream.  Blame this child.

BEDA Vingt-Deux...Yet Another Epic Fail

Oh my God, fail.  I know I promised you a return to your regularly scheduled BEDA programming, but after a wonderful 48 hours at the Northwest Indiana lakeshore (see the above picture to be jealous), I now find myself catching up with one of the few friends I do still have at home, watching Harry Potter weekend on ABC Family, and getting ready to have an awesome sleepover because she is home alone and doesn't like it.  So, yet again, here is my failed posting.  I suck.  I know.  I truly promise you the rest will NOT...I repeat NOT...be like this.  And you can punish me if you want.  Really.  I love you all.  And I'm sorry for disappointing you blog readers and fellow BEDAers.

Currently stuck in my head: "Hedwig's Theme" (obviously watching too much HP)...

BEDA Vingt et un...RUSHED!!!!

So I'm writing this in like 2 seconds because we are on our way out the door to go to the lake cottage, and it just occurred to me that we're not bringing laptops and I don't even think there's internet access there, so this post is a total cheat.  Have an amazing Saturday and we will return to your regularly scheduled BEDA tomorrow night.  My apologies.  Don't hate me.  <3

BEDA Vingt...It's like the best music playin' in your ear

Yesterday, as you know, I sub-taught ballet at one of the local studios in town (actually, one of my girls from Orlando showed up and took my class...it was weird), and then my mom picked me up, and we drove to Chicago (all things know, all things know...lolsufjanstevensjokes...) to see Billy Elliot.  Oh my gosh, I am sooooo glad I was so privileged to be able to see it.  Cesar Corrales, a native of Mexico and National Ballet of Canada trained dancer, was our Billy.  OH. MY. GOD.  I seriously have no words.  He was so talented and had so much energy and endurance and AHH!  For some idea of how much work the young Billys have done see this video.

Overall, it was a terrific show.  I was especially impressed with Emily Skinner as Mrs. Wilkinson.  She was just brilliant and actually kind of reminded me of an 80s Northern English version of my old dance teacher.  And the kid who played Michael (I don't have my program in front of my so I can't be sure but I think it was Gabriel Rush) was just freaking gifted.  Totally hilarious, particularly in the scene when he wears his sister's clothes.  That kid is going to go so far!  The music was brilliant, and the set was very cool.  And it was also a lot funnier than I remember the movie was.  Really, I had no complaints, except for one.  The guy who played Older Billy (now, I think he was a swing, and, therefore, not the regular) was not impressive.  I mean, the scene was still brilliant--Billy dancing alongside his older self to Swan Lake music and doing aerial work on a wire--but the Older Billy was, honestly, not good.  Kind of chunky and noticeably not turned out with very little extension.  But, as that was my only complaint, it was an incredible show, and, if you live near London, New York, or Chicago, or the tour (which begins in November) is coming anywhere near you, go see it!  You won't be disappointed.

Ew, my cat just drooled on me.  Not kidding.

Tomorrow, my mom, grandma, Dave, and I are driving up to Michigan to spend the weekend at a family friend's lake cottage.  Super stoked to just do nothing but sit on the deck, swim, and drink wine with the fam all weekend.  Btw, according to a CNN article, red wine is one of the top 10 biggest vices that are actually good for you.  There...so one of my guilty pleasures may not be so guilty after all.

On a more serious note, I was talking with my mom in the car last night, and we pretty much came to the conclusion that I am far too anxious, as well as don't know how to believe in myself.  I have always been a worrier.  Letting go and giving up control has never been my strong suit, and I have freaked myself out to the point of hyperventilation or passing out more than is normal.  I am a serious planner, so living "in the moment" has never been easy for me either.  I am an overthinker/overanalyzer, who has to have everything planned out in her head for the future.  Uncertainty is not a good look for me.  And then there's the whole issue of not believing in myself...this is not to be confused with self-confidence...I believe I possess a great deal of that.  This is confidence in my abilities...as a dancer and as a person.  I lack the self-esteem to trust that I can "do anything" or that I am a deserving individual.  Sometimes, I think I've even talked myself out of success because I am too terrified or timid.  This is something I'm determined to work on this year, as I won't very well get a job without believing, first, that I can.

I also read this article today, which stated that for every 100 single women there are only 88 unmarried men.  Awesome.  So the odds are even more against me based on the 2010 Census.  Cool, guys.  Real cool.

Mockingjay comes out Monday night at midnight!!  YAY!  Mao's Last Dancer came out today, but, unfortunately, the closest place it is playing is Chi-town where it probably costs 20 bucks to buy popcorn.  GRR.  I hate that smaller budget or "more artsy" films are only out in select theaters usually.  Lamesauce.  I can't believe there are only eleven more days of BEDA.  I'm really glad I decided to do this, even if sometimes my posts are half-assed or totally lacking in the creativity department.

That's all I've got for today, ladies and gentlemen.  As always, comments are appreciated (iwantmoarcommentsssss).  Have a lovely Friday and a terrific weekend.  I'll be here as usual :)

P.S. I posted a "Dear Future Me" video a la Charlie McDonnell yesterday, in case you're interested.  I think I'm a little too enthusiastic and say "what was she thinking?" a few too many times, but oh well.  Bye!

Currently stuck in my head: "Electricity" from Billy Elliot (what else?).  Particularly the first two lines "I can't really explain it / I haven't got the words / It's a feelin' that you can't control / I suppose it's like forgettin', losin' who you are / and at the same time, somethin' makes yeh whole /  The lyrics are what is really does feel like when dancing isn't painful or terrible or awful.  When there are those moments on stage where it is sheer ecstasy. 

BEDA Dix-Neuf...Boring Meme is Boring

That picture above is AMAZING.

So, I'm going to Chicago this evening to see Billy Elliot, which means I will get back far too late to post on time, so I'm going to write now.

Nothing terribly exciting has happened today (or this week at all, for that matter).  I haven't gotten to work out much this week because our Y is closed and the next closest one is as ghetto as Caprini Green.  So that's been upsetting.

I'm leaving for school one week from today.  YAY!

I would kill for a chocolate chip cookie right now.

Aaanyway...instead of regaling you with complaints about not having anything to write about, I think I'm going to steal Leah's Meme that she did today, so here, have a meme:

What song are you currently addicted to?
Hmmm, well, I've been listening to a hell of a lot of ALL CAPS lately, and Christina Perri's Jar of Hearts has been overplayed on my iTunes since the episode of SYTYCD when it was used, but I think I'll say Mumford & Sons' "Little Lion Man," which is amazing.  Also, I heard they were the VH1 "You Oughtta Know" artist this morning, which kind of makes the baby hipster inside of me cringe.  Oh well.

What's your favorite season?
Well, I've been having an incredible summer, but normally, I'd say fall.  The weeks before it gets ridiculously cold, and you can walk around outside comfortably in a long sleeve shirt with maybe a light jacket over.  And hiking in the fall is incomparable.  I love going places with mountains in the fall, too, because there's nothing quite like those colors.  Oh!  And apple picking and pumpkins and Thanksgiving!!!!!!

What's the latest movie you watched?
Youth in Revolt. It was ok...I wasn't a huge fan as Michael Cera totally dug his own grave, but it was quirky and I liked it.

What is the one skill you wish you had?
Hmm...I guess I'd really like to be proficient at some kind of musical instrument.  I've tried and failed at piano, guitar, and even had a brief stint with my mom's flute in middle school, but it just doesn't work. 

What's your current fandom/obsession/addiction?
The Hunger Games and Doctor Who.  Yep.

What's your favorite board game?Apples to Apples.  It's amazing.  And, this is not a board game, but Zumi (a drinking game) is a blast...don't judge me.

What web sites do you always visit when you go online?
All the normal stuff...Facebook, Twitter, YouTube, friends' blogs, my email, IU's OneStart homepage and OnCourse, Tumblr, and usually anything that peaks my interest.

What was the last thing you bought?
A Dunkin Donuts large French vanilla iced coffee with cream and two Splenda.  I miss my two DD girls, Alyssa and Sarah.

If you win 10,000 bucks today, what would you do with it?
Pay off some of my students loans, throw down the money for LeakyCon, and put about half of it away in the bank.

Last concert you went to?
Um...well, I suppose a South Jordan concert at the Bluebird shortly before school ended (Btw, check them out...they just graduated from IU (and Btown will miss them dearly), but they've been working on their next album, and I have a feeling they're going to be pretty huge).  If we're talking actual, huge, big name concerts then end of September last year Ben Folds at the IU Auditorium.  It was epic.

What could be one of the best things to happen to you right now?
Hmm...I would normally say a boyfriend, but I'm learning how to stop looking, so I guess just that the beginning of senior year goes smoothly and I get cast well in fall ballet...please, please, please!!!

What's the last thing that made you happy?
That reheated steak I had on salad for lunch.  It was yummy.  Oh, and the fact that I'm going to see Billy Elliot tonight!!!!!!!!

Do you want to learn another language?
Absolutely.  I want to be fluent in French eventually, but I don't foresee that happening unless I live over there for a significant amount of time...as those 4 years of honors French and 1 semester of college French did nothing for my speaking skills.  I can write it if I have time to think, but speaking off-the-cuff is not my strong suit.

Five things you can't live without.
1. Family and Friends
2. My Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ
3. Books
4. Ballet
5. Mountains and lakes and the ocean...fresh air....and the outside beyond the cornfields of Northwest Indiana...

That's all for today...I'm going to change to go teach and then head off to the studio.  I'll have a full review of Billy tomorrow.  Have a wonderful afternoon/evening.  Love, me

Currently stuck in my head: Still freaking "Love the Way You Lie."  Make it stop!!!!!!!

BEDA Dix-Huit...Nineties Nostalgia

You know what I miss?  Old Nickelodeon shows.  You know the ones.  Legends of the Hidden Temple was probably my favorite with Keenan and Kel and All That tied for a close second.  I read this article this evening, and got super nostalgic for my childhood after-school television watching experience.  90s TV, where did you go, and why have you been replaced with iCarly and Hannah Montana?!!  By the way, my mind was sufficiently blown when I discovered Marc Summers, who hosts "Unwrapped" on The Food Network (which I've seen far too many episodes of because it comes on right after Rachel Ray in the evenings and my roommate and I in Charlotte would always watch RR while making dinner), was actually the host of Double Dare.  And, when you think about the fact that he was OCD that whole time, it's kind of amazing that he was able to deal with all that slime.  But seriously...mind = blown on that count. 

But in all seriousness, I miss that good 90s television.  So much.  On summer days, I usually turn on ABC Family (you already know how obsessed I am with their current original programming...if you're not, see this post) just to catch the 2 daily episodes of Full House.  Fun fact: I've seen ever episode at least 3 times now.  Why do you think I love Make it or Break it so much?  (Hint: a lot of it has to do with Candace Cameron Bure.)  Speaking of which...last night's episode!!  And the teaser for next week!  Dying...  Also, I think they're handling Kaylie's eating disorder incredibly realistically, and I'm really glad they put the PSA about ED's at the end of the episode, as well as having links to NEDA all over the site.  It really is heartbreaking though.  And I've totally been in Austin's position before...watching a friend hurting herself, trying to talk to her about it, and feeling powerless because there's only so much power you have.  Until she decides she wants to admit she has a problem and wants to get better, there's only so much you can do as a concerned friend.  It's tough business, so I'm really happy ABC Family has chosen to feature it in a realistic way on the show, as heartbreaking as it is to watch it happen, even to a fictional character.

Mooooving on...tomorrow night, after I teach, my mom and I are going to Chicago to see Billy Elliot, the musical, and I am SUPER stoked about it.  These tickets were my mom's birthday present to me, so I've been waiting a while.  AHH can't wait!!! 

I asked my twitter followers for good blogging topics, as I am completely out of creativity, steam, as well as brain dead and all I got (from two of my dearest IUBT friends) was "twix bars," "racism," "sex before marriage," "Why men have the upper hand in controlling a relationship..or kittens," and "how different Chinese food is in America compared to China."  Um...yeah, thanks, Alex and Jordan, but no dice.  Cannot wait to see the two of them in 8 days though!!  But I am starting to have that pre-semester dread of schoolwork creeping up in the back of my head.  Like, I love my school (and I actually really love school, in general, too), but the thought of writing papers and getting back into that whole swing of things has me anxious, per usual.  Trying not to think about it, though, and just trying to enjoy my last week at home.  I really will miss it when I leave, despite my intense boredom....sometimes the solitude is nice. 

Alrighty, I'm out of steam for the evening, so I'll leave you now, my beauties.  Sweet dreams, dear blog readers.  Love, me

Currently stuck in my head: "Love the Way You Lie" by Eminem featuring Rhianna. It was seriously on, like, 3 radio stations at the same time today.  I really liked it when it was first released, but it's getting to that ohmygodi'mgoingtokilltheradioican'thearitagain stage, and that sucks.  I hate when things are overplayed.  UGHHHHH!  The video is exquisite, though.

BEDA Dix-Sept...I cried in the car 3 separate times today because of songs on the radio...

Oh my gosh, how freaking cute does Diana Agron look in that picture???

Hello friends.  Today was another boring day in the life of Ellen.  My best friend from home was finally in town this weekend and we hung out last night (had dinner with her family because I'm their 4th daughter, watched bad television, and got delicious chocolate shakes at Culver's...yeah, our lives are awesome and you're jealous).  Anywho, I would have probably had another adventurous day with her today, except that she left to drive to North Carolina for family vacation this morning leaving me with my boring routine of working out, eating, and trying to accomplish something on independent study.  Terrible.  Except it was even worse today because the Y is closed so I had to drive to the Y that's the next closest and it is ghetto, to say the least.  Really old equipment, seriously run down, and I couldn't even find a decent place to do my abs.  Laaaame.  Another gym in town is offering their equipment/classes to Y members for 5 bucks a day while it's being worked on, so I might try that tomorrow.  Hopefully it will fair better.

I did teach ballet today, which was a nice change of pace.  I don't normally think of myself as a dance teacher, and I definitely don't want to make a career of it...usually I think I don't even like it, but I did have fun today and realized I'd been missing it.  We have to teach elective ballet as part of our major at IU, so this fall will be my 3rd consecutive semester of early mornings in the studio, but I'm not dreading it as much as I was expecting.  Plus, today, I mixed fun, "real" music in with the ballet piano stuff, so that was fun.  I even played "Summer of 09" by ALL CAPS...they all really liked it, which made me happy.

This evening I went over to meet my mom and Dave at my grandma's for dinner because my aunt was in town for business, so it was lovely to see her.  And we had meatloaf, which was delicious.

OMG so I cried during at least 3 songs at different times in the car today.  It was so pathetic, and I have no idea what is wrong with me.  I know I'm not pregnant...because that is just not even possible.  But I have no clue what is going on.  So weird!!!  My mom is packing up the car to drive the rest of my brother's stuff down to his college tomorrow.  It is still taking some getting used to...this whole my-brother-is-in-college thing.  Anyway...I don't have much else to report on my end.  Love you all.  Love, me

P.S. On a completely unrelated note, the trailer for Black Swan came out today, and all I can say is WTF?  I was so excited for this movie when I heard about it, but it looks like a psycho/crazy/wtfisgoingon kind of thriller, and it's confusing me.  I know ballerinas can be crazy, but this is too much.  See it for yourself here.  I'm not embedding it.  WEIRDDDDDDD!!!!!!!!!!!

OH!  Also, I got what could be some amazing news, but it's too early to tell...ahh secrets.  There seems to be a lot of that happening today in the blog world...ahem Kristina and Kaitlyn

Currently stuck in my head: "Love Like Crazy" by Lee Brice...one of the songs that made me cry in the car today.  Ridiculous.  But such a sweet song.  I especially love the line "Never let your prayin' knees get lazy and love like crazy."  As I'm working on letting go and giving it to God, it was nice to hear this evening.

BEDA Seize...Why I Do It

Yes, before you ask, that is me above.  I don't usually put dancing pictures of myself on here, so I figured I might as well, since that's all I'm gonna be talking about pretty much right now.

This summer, we had a...well...the only word I can use to describe her that's the least bit nice is interesting...jazz teacher.  Her attitude, inability to count straight 8s, and horrendous out-date-80s choreography led most of us to a loathing of her and a dread of her jazz class/pieces we had to perform.  Oh, and she made us do our hair like this for the show.  Anyway, the reason I'm bringing this up is because once during about week 4, she shared poems she had written with us about dance.  With cliche titles like "Why do I dance?" and "Let Your Wings Soar," you can imagine me trying my best to stifle my laughter.  You see, these were ridiculous explanations of why someone dances.  Ok, yeah...I understand that maybe at age 10, if someone asks you why you're a dancer, you'll probably give them the line, "Because I can express myself" or "It's freeing."  However, as dancers age, and I have found this in my many years of study with almost all of my ballet friends, that dancing isn't really "freeing" at all.  In fact, it's oftentimes quite the opposite.

In a sense, I am a slave to ballet.  Growing up, I often had to turn down invitations to do fun things with the standard line, "I can't...I have rehearsal," and sacrifice just seems to be the name of the game.  I've given up pretty much everything to still be dancing, and so have my parents.  Even my brother has taken the back burner on occasions.  The discipline involved in day in, day out classes, and dancers' love hate relationship with the mirror and perfection and their bodies create this kind of prison.

Sometimes, I really hate ballet.  Like, for instance, there are some days when I'm just so incredibly exhausted that even stretching before class seems like a chore.  And forget jumping high.  There are days when my body feels so heavy or fragile, I fear it might break.  And there are days when I feel so "off" and the teachers are harping and nothing is going right and I'm nearing breakdown.  That is not "freeing" at all.  That is torture.  But I can't quit.  I could never quit.  I think a lot of dancers dance not because it serves as an art of self-expression (though that may be possible in some improv classes on occasion) or freedom, but because they must.  There are no options.  I wreak havoc on my body every day, waking up in the morning with unimaginable stiffness and soreness and pain because I have to.  (I may also be a bit of a masochist, but we won't discuss that right now.)  And then there are moments...most of them happen on stage...where I experience an ecstasy so powerful and so overwhelming that I know I could never feel that anywhere else.  I've experienced plenty of heartbreak as a ballet dancer.  Hell, I don't even know if I'm going to be able to still be doing this for the rest of my life.  I don't know how long my body will hold out.  I don't know if the ballet world has a place for me still reserved in it.  But I do know that I don't see myself doing anything else.  I can't even imagine it.  I dance because it's not an option not to dance.  By the way, if you're wondering what brought this on, I found my dance quotations book on my bookshelf this morning and read the following:

"Ballet is full of mysteries.  Take the question of dancers' health.  Before company class starts every day at ten o'clock they straggle in, drawn and ashen-faced.  How it alarms me...Poor girls, how could they have even managed the stairs let alone survive an hour or two of class.  They line the studio with bags and bundles that disgorge a cargo of bandages and woollies, plasters and cotton wool.  It is less a dance studio and more a casualty ward as they pad and plaster bruised feet, tie scarves like tourniquets around their heads and waists, heave themselves into plastic trousers - gingerly lest they awaken past injuries.  As they hobble about I wonder how these invalids will ever bear the rigours of the barre.  Then, against all reason, a daily miracle takes place.  As the first notes of the piano are struck, far from wilting they begin to shimmer with well-being.  Their eyes open wider, their hair starts to shine, their skin glows and, as the time for centre work arrives the general radiance is dazzling.  The miracle is that they are drawing strength from the very act of dancing itself, living off it, and nourished by it.  As a long day of rehearsal passes the energy drawn from the dance seems to grow until the accumulated vitality is offered to their evening audience as an incomparable gift."  ~Donald Hamilton Fraser

Ballet is like medicine, I think.  It might not taste so good a lot of the time, but it always makes you feel better when you take it.  I guess a lot of people won't ever understand why I didn't choose to pursue something "normal" with my life.  But who gives a damn about those people?  I'm done listening to other people's criticisms.  Done questioning if this is what I'm supposed to be doing.  Because God would not have given me this incredible gift if I wasn't meant to use it.  I'm finally starting to be okay with  me...all parts of me.  If people can't accept the fact that I don't want to be a doctor or a lawyer or a businesswoman, then they can get over themselves.  I'm done trying and failing to explain myself.  I'm a dancer because it's the only thing I know how to be.  And that's quite alright with me.

I'm sorry if, in my attempt to not be cliche, I ended up sounding cliche, but I'm writing this rather quickly and trying not to overthink it. 

In other news, I finally finished The Hunger Games yesterday (I hadn't gotten to read for about five days as things were NUTS around the house), and, as I tweeted from the train yesterday, I am certifiably in love with Peeta Mellark.  Can't wait to start Catching Fire.  And Mockingjay comes out so soon!!  I'm off to do homework...I really need to finish a lesson today or my mom might kill me.  Have a splendid Monday, beauties.  Again, PLEASE (!) shoot any blog topic ideas you may have my way, as I'm running out of BEDA steam.  Oh, oh!  I forgot to wish Sarah and Graham Badger a most happy 1st anniversary in my entry last night (or I guess it really was early this morning), so Happy Happy Happy Anniversary, and may God grant you the most amazing blessings in your next year of marriage. 

Currently stuck in my head: "We Are Golden" by MIKA.  I LOOOOOVE him.  Also, that video is amazing because I, too, have run round my room in my underwear singing along to Euro Candy Pop.

BEDA Quinze...Late and Cheating

 

Found the above picture on Tumblr and thought it was too cute not to share.  Aww...baby Emma and Rupert...adorableeeee.

Ok, so before you get all Ellen-is-failing-BEDA on me, hear me out.  This morning I woke up at 5:45 to say goodbye to my baby brother, as he drove off into the land of collegians today (he's going down to DePauw early for pre-pre-season soccer stuff and my mom will be down with his stuff/to move him in to his dorm room on Wednesday (he's living in a frat house-oh great-til then)).  P.S. This whole my-baby-brother-is-in-college-now thing is really freaking me out.  Any advice on how to deal with the fact that it's both making me feel overprotective and old? 

Then I drove to Chesterton, got on the South Shore at 7:45, took a rather long cab ride really far northwest of the Chicago loop, and participated in Elements Contemporary Ballet's summer workshop.  I really liked it (and it was definitely nice to dance for 7 hours in one day again, as I haven't done so since getting home from Orlando). It was so awesome to be doing some contemporary work...and I worked my butt off, so all in all, no harm done.  Then I took a cab from the studio back downtown (which took forever), hopped on the 6:22 bus, got stuck at the 57th street stop for 20 minutes while they fixed some mechanical issue, pulled into the station 20 minutes late, and finally walked in the door around 8:30.

I had made plans with my dearest hometown friend, so I pretty much went straight to hang out with her, got home 10 minutes ago, and the result is a late (and pathetic) BEDA post.  Sorry for the lateness.  And the boringness.  Let's make a pact, blog readers...every day this week my posts don't suck.  Ok?  Ok.  Good night. Love, me

Currently stuck in my head: "Bulletproof" by LaRoux (it played on the radio every time I was in the car today...annoying!!)  Also, I've never seen the video til I just linked it now and...um...weird.

BEDA Quatorze...A Whole Lotta Nothin'

My baby brother leaves for college tomorrow.  I can't believe it.  As I still look at him like he's perpetually 12, I'm having kind of a hard time accepting the fact that he's not a little boy anymore.  He's all grown up and responsible and stuff.  And it's weird.

Anyway, I'm currently watching Youth in Revolt with the broseph...he would normally be out gallivanting around town with his homies, but most of them left for college today, and he's depressed.  Also, my mom and step-dad are at the Jimmy Buffet concert in Chicago, so watching a movie is pretty much our only way out of the boredom that is northwest Indiana.

I also watched a fair bit of the National Women's All-Around Gymnastics Championship.  Rebecca Bross is fierce...I just wish she would smile.  Her concentration is admirable, but I think I would admire her more if she would show some teeth occasionally. 

I took my first Zumba class this morning (as I was going to take spinning, but read the schedule wrong and got there 20 minutes late).  It was...interesting, to say the least.  It was a good workout, no doubt, but all the booty-shakin' wasn't really my thing.  I might attempt it again, but I might just stick to the elliptical from here on out.

Hmmm...what else?  Jeez...almost halfway through BEDA and I'm totally losing steam.  Any blog topic ideas you can give me would be greatly appreciated.  Night, beauties.  Love, me

Currently stuck in my head: "California Dorks" by Skyway Flyer....I can't get enough of it :)

BEDA Treize...On Living Passionately

I think I'm getting addicted to the gym.  I don't know if this is a good thing or a bad thing.  I was there for almost 2 hours today, and I want to go back.  Problem. 

Today, I didn't do much (yet again), except work out and eat.  Oh, and I read this infuriating article (btw, I'd love to hear your thoughts).  Instead of the promised So You Think You Can Dance review (we all love Lauren, and I'm so so so proud of her), I'm going to take my inspiration from Kayley, who posted a lovely blog today :)

Kayley talked about her favorite part of herself, and I'm going to do the same.  I have been an intensely passionate person for pretty much my whole life.  When I fell in love with dance at a very young age (I started when I was 4, but I think I really fell for it when I was 7ish), I fell hard.  I am so passionate about dancing, and I get really emotional when I think about it.  When I performed Serenade in March (for the 3rd time), I cried on stage because I was so happy to be dancing it and the music was so incredible and it was just one of the greatest stage moments of my life.  I'm also really emotional and passionate in my everyday life.  I am really empathetic...if I see others crying it makes me want to cry.  If someone hurts a loved one, I, in turn, feel hurt.  Sometimes, my passion gets me into trouble...at home, I occasionally jump to conclusions and my mom and I get into heated arguments sometimes. (We don't have a bad relationship; we just bicker a lot.)  I guess what I'm trying to say is that I wouldn't trade my passionate side for anything.  I know, that when I do fall in love, it will be wholeheartedly and all in.  I wouldn't still be dancing if I didn't love it so much it hurts.  And my passion has led me to my incredible relationship with Jesus Christ.  So, I guess my favorite part of me is my passion.  I know that people say it's kind of volatile to be passionate, but there are good things about it, too.  It allows me to love things and people a whole lot.  And I wouldn't give that up for the world.

Currently stuck in my head: "Dynamite" by Taio Cruz (oh, hush, it was on my workout mix today)

BEDA Douze...Spinning and Meteor Showers

Today, I took my first spinning class in my life.  I almost died.  Seriously, one of the hardest hours of my life.  I think I might stick with it, though, because it was definitely a GREATTTT workout.  But, holy crap am I gonna be sore tomorrow?!!  Also, my teacher, who is friends with my mom, is a freaking beast.  Seriously, this woman is in ridiculously not fair shape.  My dad takes her spin class at a different gym every Tuesday/Thursday (which is when she also teaches at the Y), which means she teaches at least 2 spin classes every Tuesday and Thursday (and she doesn't just teach...she, like, PWNS everyone).  And then, my dad said she'll run upwards of 5-10 miles after she's taught spinning twice.  Um...hi, can I be you?  Kthxbai.

After the gym, I went straight to the grocery to pick up ingredients for my step-brother's birthday cake...yeah, I realize that sounds a little oxy-moronic, but whatever.  I'm the baker in the house.  Thus, I bake when asked.  I made chocolate cake with chocolate ganache frosting.  It was delicious.  And bad for you.  No regrets.

I also played with my dogs outside in the really high humidity.  Which was fun.

I'm really starting to fade on this whole BEDA thing.  All I do is workout, do homework, and eat, it seems.  Failure.

The So You Think You Can Dance finale results show was on tonight.  I'll probably talk about it more tomorrow, but I don't want to spoil those who haven't seen it yet (even though I've already done so on twitter and facebook-whoops).  All I'll say is it was amazing.  And Alex Wong is amazing.  And I wouldn't really have cared who out of the three finalists won, but I am EXTREMELYOUTOFCONTROLAMAZINGLYSUPER happy with the winner.

This blog post isn't going anywhere, so I'm gonna quit while I'm (not really) ahead and go watch the meteor shower.  Love, me.

Currently stuck in my head: Every AWESOME song that was on my spinning teacher's playlist today.  From Matchbox Twenty to Hey Monday, it was glorious :)

BEDA Onze...A Quick and Early Post

Um how good do those Minnie Mouse cupcakes look?

I'm planning on getting a lot of work on my independent study class done (yeah...that plan alllllways works out...), so I'm gonna write this pretty quickly so I can get to the gym, get home, shower, and begin reading a billion pages of the New Testament (which I wouldn't normally complain about, but this class has SO. MUCH. BUSYWORK.  And I hate teaching myself).  Dear Ellen, Stop complaining. Now. Thanks.

Anywho, both Kaitlyn (on her blog) and Kristina (in her Monday video on fiveawesomegirls) said they want to visit all 50 states before they die.  I'd like to fulfill that goal as well.  I thought I, too, would count up how close I am to getting there.  Turns out, I'm not as close as I thought I was:


visited 27 states (54%)
Create your own visited map of The United States

28 is the grand total...so I still have 22 to go.  I guess my family and I haven't spent any time in the Northeast (aside from New York and Jersey), and haven't done much traveling out west, save for Arizona, Colorado, and California.  I have lived in quite a few places though.  Born in Illinois, moved to Indiana when I was 4, went to high school in Virginia, lived a year in North Carolina, a year in Oklahoma, and currently attending school back in my native Hoosierland (btw, I do not consider myself an Illinois native, as I don't remember anything about when I lived there).  I have been to Alaska, which is pretty cool.  Along with Kaitlyn, I would just love to visit all seven continents.  Unfortunately, I've still got six to go, for, as you know, I've got the biggest travel bug EVERRRR.

I guess I'll cry SPOILER ALERT, though I'm not giving much away...last night I watched Make It or Break It, and the only thought I have is WTF?  Payson kind of looks like she's falling in love with Sasha, Lauren is seriously the most jealous/insecure/awful teen girl character I've ever seen on a television show, and Ellen Biels, national committee chair, is THE biggest bitch EVER.  I was literally about to throw something at my computer screen last night...she makes me sick...discipline is important, but it does not make a great athlete or dancer.  Passion and heart and emotion and drive make greatness.  This woman is trying to turn these gymnasts into robots, all the while trying to form a gymnastics dictatorship by ousting anyone who opposes her.  jgkdlshgkdlsghkdl I hope they kick her the hell out of there soon.  My anger level is increasing by the episode.

Ok, sorry. Rant over.  The SYTYCD performance finale is on tonight!  I can't wait. I think Kent is going to win, but my vote is for Robert.  But it's probably going to be Robert 3rd, Lauren the runner-up, and Kent the winner.  And now I'll leave you all.  Much love, me.

Currently stuck in my head: "Jar of Hearts" by Christina Perri. Finally, a less embarrassing admission. That song is hauntingly sad and raw and just gjkdlghds.  So gorgeous.  The dance Kathryn and Billy did on SYTYCD to it was breathtaking.  WATCH!

BEDA Dix...A Ballet-Centric Post

I was going to write a post, at Kelsi's suggestion, about Terminus, as the ball was 2 years ago today (really?! that long ago?), but, as I'm not in the mood for the depression and longing nostalgia often instills in me, I'm going to merely say that that was an amazing weekend and an amazing night and I hope I can go to LeakyCon next summer to have yet another epicly amazing time.

Now for the actual post...if you're not interested in reading a post almost entirely about ballet, then you should probably just stop reading right now because I'm having a rather uninspired BEDA night, and the only thing I can think to do is respond to this blog post by Pointe Magazine.

Essentially, Pointe Mag's post is about the end of the "baby ballerina," the Gelseys and the Marias who became principals at 15 and a half.  Basically, the article highlights the fact that most ballet companies have instituted trainee, apprentice, and second company programs for dancers aged 17-early 20s to groom dancers for life as professional company members.  It also touches on the recent spike of dancers opting to go the college route in ballet or dance major programs at universities around the country.  Both of these ideas up the age that dancers are getting actually-can-pay-the-bills kind of jobs in ballet companies.

I agree that the average age of fully contracted company members seems to have gotten higher over the last several years (let's say ten for argument's sake).  However, I do not think this is because companies are realizing that more mature dancers are more valuable than younger ones (by the way, I think that more mature dancers look just that...more mature and more developed as dancers on stage...basically, I think it's a great thing).  I think that companies are hijacking the current system and, as the post stated and taking dancers who are perfectly capable of being contract-holding company members and sticking them in unpaid, overworked positions.  The post then defends this move as "a smart way to keep American ballet companies afloat."  While I understand the level of financial pressure the ballet world is under (a lot of companies have had to cut dancer after dancer, get rid of live music, and even settle for less glamorous rep), I think it is unfair to take advantage of the fact that there are far more young dancers today than there were 20 years ago.  Dance is just more readily available nowadays.  Every town has a local dolly-dinkle studio, nearly every company has its own school, and there are more summer intensive programs with higher attendance rates than EVER (I saw that firsthand this summer).  That being said, there is a tremendous amount of talent out there, and there are dancers (and parents) willing to sacrifice money in order to have a chance to train (sometimes with a small stipend, sometimes unpaid, and even sometimes with an added tuition cost) as a trainee, apprentice, or second company member with a professional company.

I have experience with this whole unpaid business.  After all, I spent a year as an unpaid apprentice with one company and a year as a stipend recipient (which was not enough to live on) with another.  While both programs were great in general, I had issues with each.  My year with the first was my first year out of high school.  I opted for the unpaid "apprenticeship" over a fairly large scholarship at University of Cincinnati's College Conservatory of Music because, at that point, college was just not on my agenda.  While I really loved my time at my first company, and I improved immensely there (and probably wouldn't be the dancer I am today without it), the most frustrating thing about the program was the fact that as apprentices (and even some of the tuition-paying trainees), we WERE the corps de ballet.  This company is a rather smallish company, so it is unranked (they don't have the distinction between principal, soloist, corps), and most of the company members usually get to perform some sort of soloist role.  All of the apprentices were ball guests in Cinderella, Snow and Flowers in Nutcracker, and were even corps backup in one  of the company's contemporary performances.  They even took us on tour!  Now, at the time, I'll admit, I thought this was awesome.  I was getting cast well and being given all these amazing opportunities.  But now, looking back on it, they were using us.  We should have been getting paid.  We should have been getting time off like the rest of the company (instead, they were overworking us to the bone...a lot of girls got seriously injured that year).  But we weren't.  We were just slave labor so the company could save a buck.  

Now, I'm not saying apprentice and trainee programs are all bad.  After all, I wouldn't have stuck my two years of hardly any pay out if I didn't think they were beneficial at all.  However, I am slightly frustrated at the fact that many of my recently graduated friends from my major at IU were offered the same kinds of positions I was offered at 18.  Which worries me because when I graduate in May at age 23, I want to be offered a true, honest to goodness paid position with a company.  Will I be offered one or will companies, out of concern for their futures and finances, look at me like another 18-year-old?  This is pretty much my last shot...if I don't receive a paid position offer upon graduation, my parents are basically cutting me off, and I'm going to have to look into other options of dancing (which I suppose will be ok if I'm supposed to be doing that, but I'm not ready to throw in the towel just yet).  The thing is, as long as dancers (and particularly parents of dancers) keep indulging these companies and giving them dancers to overwork for free, it will continue.  I have no suggestions as to how companies are supposed to recover the revenue they've lost because of the recession, lower attendance, and decreased donorship, but I would plead with companies to treat all of their dancers with respect, dignity, and fairness.  Making young pre-professionals pay tuition with the promise of being looked at for the company, all the while overworking them and letting them go after the end of the season is simply unjust.  

I don't know if any of this makes sense as an argument or not, but I guess it's just my way of voicing frustration with the widely known fact that there. are. no. jobs.  Until the time comes for auditions, though, I'm going to attempt to put all worrying aside, trust in the Lord's plan for me, and just try to take it one day at a time.  After all, school hasn't even started yet, and there's still more than two weeks left to my summer.  Hopefully tomorrow's post will be a little less ballet-heavy.  I apologize for the length.  Hope all's well with ya'll.  Love, me.

Currently stuck in my head: "Teenage Dream" by the seemingly ubiquitous Katy Perry.

BEDA Neuf...Laundromats are Depressing

So I just started The Hunger Games...FINALLY...yesterday, and am totally loving it...so much, in fact, that I am going to rush through this blog post in order to get back to reading.  Is that ok with you? No? Too bad...

The only interesting things that I did today were venture to the laundromat and the gym.  I haven't been to a laundromat very many times in my life, as I have been fortunate enough to always live somewhere with a washer and dryer.  However, the few times I have had to brave that place, I haven't had very good experiences.  And this time was no different.  The only reason I even had to go was because I had to wash both my brother's and my comforters, so that they wouldn't be totally gross before school starts, and neither fit in our washer at home.  Upon walking in, I just got really depressed.  Seriously...that place is so desolate.  It's hot because there's no air conditioning, the people who work there don't look like they like their jobs very much, and the people who frequent the joint don't look happy either.  It was a pretty miserable hour that I spent there, but I had Suzanne Collins to keep me busy so it was ok.

And then I went to the gym, ran on the elliptical for half an hour and lifted a bit.  I did this while listening to All Caps, the HSM3 soundtrack, and MIKA on shuffle.  Yeah...

And now I'm gonna go read some more.  Sorry for the lame post.  I promise I'll do better tomorrow.  Blog topic suggestions in the comments, pretty please with sugar on top?  Thanks in advance.  Love, me

Currently stuck in my head: "Celebrate You" by Corbin Bleu...I miss the Disney World Celebrate: A Street Parade. I'm beginning to regret this whole reveal-what-song-i-can't-get-out-of-my-head thing, as it seems to have been pretty embarrassing as of late.  But seriously, that song is hilariously amazing.

BEDA Huit...Packing = Unfun

The above image has nothing to do with this post, but I saw it on tumblr, and it's basically the greatest image of the FRIENDS cast ever.  Moving on...

The seemingly never-ending chore of cleaning out my closet and bookshelves and dresser drawers and general rest of my room has begun in preparation of leaving for school in less than 3 weeks. (I'm super pumped by the way...can't wait for Welcome Week and seeing friends and IUBT freshman party and everything else that comes along with the first few weeks of a new fall semester!!)

Anyway...today was mostly spent with my mom trying on clothes, throwing out/putting in the giveaway pile ones that I no longer wear/don't fit, going through countless boxes of crap (and throwing out most of what said boxes contained), and generally taking my mess of a room and trying to condense it back down to something manageable to take down to school and move into my sorority house double room.  It was exhausting and tedious, to say the least.  Luckily, my ENORMOUS fat cat, aptly named Big Cat, kept me company on my bed, while my mom and I sifted through the catastrophic disaster.

We succeeded and are nearly finished with the reorganization process.  Now, all that remains for me to do before school is buy new clothes, so I have something to wear in Bloomington...as I threw out a TON of clothes today (I think I still had a shirt in there that I bought at Abercrombie when I was 15...and I haven't set foot in that store since then). 

This evening, my mom, step-dad, and I went over to my grandma's house for dinner, as my uncle was in town to visit/attend his high school reunion.  We had hamburgers, Indiana sweet corn-on-the-cob, potato salad, and carrot cake...it was like a delicious picnic.  Yum.

Other than that, I haven't much else to report.  Glad ya'll liked my guilty pleasures yesterday.  I am such a 13-year-old girl at heart.  I've now made it through a week of BEDA...starting to weary of it, but determined not to quit.  Keep me motivated with comments, loves.  Night, night.  Love, me

Currently stuck in my head: "Breathless" by The Corrs.  It came up on shuffle, while cleaning out my room.  Don't judge my early 2000s taste in music...or the fact that I actually imported In Blue into my iTunes.

BEDA Sept...Guilty Pleasures

Instead of another boring, rambly, angsty post, I think I'm going to list my guilty pleasures.  You know, those things that we all love that we'd probably rather not admit to anyone.

1. Driving my car on summer days, windows and sunroof open, blaring some obnoxious, overplayed summer anthem on the radio.  And, of course, singing and dancing along to it.  And hoping the drivers of other cars don't think I'm a serious lunatic.

2. ABC Family original series.  Don't hate me.  Currently, I won't miss an episode of Make it or Break it or Pretty Little Liars.  When it's on (new episodes starting soon, hopefully) GREEK (I know, I know...I'm a sorority girl who watches a show about sorority girls...it's incredibly exaggerated and Greek life really isn't like that, but there are aspects of truth there and I think it's hilarious.  The annoying bits of the show are like the things that annoy me about my own sorority, so it makes me giggle).  I used to be an avid fan of both Wildfire and Kyle XY, before they were both canceled, that is.  I know...so embarrassing.

3. Old Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen movies.  It Takes Two, Passport to Paris, Billboard Dad, etc., etc.  Please don't judge.

4. The O.C. and Gossip Girl...apparently I like teen dramas about rich kids...whatever... 

5. The Food Network. Giada, Ina, and Paula are my favorites.

6. This goes along with the whole Make it or Break it thing, but anything having to do with gymnastics or figure skating.  I did gymnastics for a total of one year when I was six and have never figure skated, but I'm obsessed.  No clue why.

7. Peanut butter. I used to carry a jar around in my purse everywhere I went.

8. Splenda...I know...so bad for you.  But so good.  And no calories.

9. Center Stage.  Yes, that ridiculously popular movie about a bunch of kids who go to the American Ballet Academy.  It is horrendously exaggerated, not really based on any facts, and totally unrealistic.  But it is also the movie that I've probably seen more than any other (even any of the HP films), and I could easily quote the whole thing for you.  And the one-liners in it.  "So the elephant goes 'ow, ow' and the mouse goes 'take it all, bitch." "I am the best goddamn dancer in the American Ballet Academy. Who the hell are you? NOBODY." "What a prick." "He was perfectly nice about it." "Being nice when you're saying something pricky is even prickier." "Careful with that one. You break it, you bought it." "Oh, please...she's a heartbeat away from tatooing your name on her ass." And the always cliche "Whatever you feel...just dance it."  Plus, the soundtrack...it's ridiculous and amazing.  By the way, the whole thing is on youtube in parts if you've never seen it.  I feel like everyone needs to watch.

10. Kraft Macaroni and Cheese.  I am a pretty healthy eater.  I try to eat as many unprocessed things as I can.  But there is just something amazing about that blue box and that neon-colored powdered cheese.  So yummy.

11. Bold red wines (big cabernets, smooth merlots, and malbecs). I'm not apologizing for this one.

12. The World Cup.  Not really apologizing for this one either.  The soccer boys.  And the internationality of it all.  Amazing.

13. Josh Groban.  Yeah...

14. Celine Dion.  I don't even know...

15. Looking through old photo albums and scrapbooks.  I do this more than I would care to admit.  I'm not sure why.  It's kind of a sad happiness it gives me...nostalgia is weird.

16. 1970s folk music a la Dan Fogelberg and Crosby, Stills, Nash, and Young.  Blame my mother.  My favorite Fogelberg song is this.  Wonder why, haha.

17. Days where I don't have to get out of my pajamas.  Always a welcome respite.

18. Decoupaging and knitting.  I haven't done either in a while, but there is something calming about old ladyish arts and crafts.

19. Chik-fil-A.  If you've never had it, you're missing out.

20. High School Musical. In all its forms. I'm not even going to try to justify that one.

That's enough for right now.  Hope ya'll enjoyed that.  Tell me your guilty pleasures in the comments...please!!!  Also, one more thought...I'm considering vlogging again.  Your thoughts?

Currently stuck in my head: "We're Dancing" by PYT...because I just watched, like, five Center Stage youtube videos utilizing the final song from the movie.  *headdesk*

BEDA Six...On Freaking Out

Sometimes I have those days where I cannot stop thinking.  Today was one of those days.

This wasn't productive thinking either...this was freak-yourself-out-to-the-point-of-hyperventilation kind of thinking.  You see, I haven't really allowed myself to think about the fact that I'm a) going to be a senior in college and b) need to get a job next year til today, when I had too much time alone with just my thoughts.  And I can safely say that I'm officially freaking out.

I'm terrified.  Terrified that I'm not good enough.  That I won't be cast well this year at IUBT and therefore, won't have decent performance footage when I go to make my video.  Terrified that my family won't be able to pay the travel expenses necessary to send me all over the country to audition.  Terrified that any number of things could go wrong.

I wish I had someone here at home (besides my mother, that is...I mean, she's great, but I need my friends) who could pick me up and take me away from my thoughts.  I mean, I can call any number of people, but I need the physical contact right now.  I'm being swallowed by nagging thoughts about how I need to lose six pounds, being eaten by knots in my stomach.

And this is NOT good.  School hasn't even started yet.  Auditions don't start til January.  So why can't I get a break from my overly analytical brain?  jfkdlsghkdslghdklsg

Sorry for the gjdlkghskdlg post today...just in a bit of a funk right now and not sure how to deal with it, that's all.

Song currently stuck in my head: "The Cave" by Mumford & Sons.  (They're lovely...you should check them out!)

BEDA Cinq...Ellen's Got the Travel Bug

I miss Disney World.

Week one of BEDA is almost done (yay!).  Today was, again, fairly uneventful.  Most of the day was spent trying to summon the motivation to work on my independent study.  Yeah...that never really came.  I mean, I did make some progress, but it's slow-going, to say the very least.

I miss my friends.  From all aspects of my life.  I wish I had the money to just up and fly somewhere to visit them.  Hell, I wish I had the money to up and fly ANYWHERE.  I've been REALLY, REALLY, REALLY restless lately, thinking about all the world traveling I have yet to do (which is to say ANY world traveling).  The only time I've been out of the country was for a less-than-24-hour hotel stay in Vancouver, B.C., the port of departure for my family's 2005 Alaskan cruise.  (Sidenote: can we talk about how skinny I was then? I know, I know, I was 17, but still...ugh!)  Yes, it was amazing, but that's beside the point.  Currently, I'm just experiencing an intense itch to getthehellouttadodge.  And, seeing as as the funds are running low, we still have a year's worth of college tuition to pay, the (EXPENSIVE) dance audition season is looming on the horizon, and I lack a wealthy and generous boyfriend, I don't think my travel bug is going to be cured in the near future.  Depressing.

Trust me, if your house backed up to a cornfield, you'd probably be feeling the same way as I do right now.  (Don't mistake, though, being home is nice...just...boring).

I went on a long walk this evening and sprinted home (I'm not usually a runner, but I was in the mood for a brief jog).  Then I did abs while watching the last ten minutes of SYTYCD (very pleased with the verdict of the Final Three--Kent, Lauren, and Robert).  Felt good to do abs as it's probably been over a week since I did anything resembling a sit-up...whoops!

In other news, have you ever been scrolling through your Facebook news feed and discover a last name you didn't recognize, only to click on that person to realize you missed the fact that they got married three weeks ago?  Yeah...that happened today.  My dear friend, Rachael, from my arts high school told me about her engagement months ago, and I followed all the photo updates and everything, but somehow I missed that she actually got married, went on her honeymoon, and is now home with her new husband enjoying married life.  I am so very happy for her.  I just can't believe I didn't know!!

Thus, I bid you all good night.  If anyone has a few thousand bucks lying around, let me know...I'd be happy to use it to buy a plane ticket to Europe.  Kthxbai.

P.S. Something I forgot to mention in my post yesterday was the other thing that drives me nuts about SYTYCD, particular this current season...the judges' blatant and obnoxious favoritism.  It is so obvious this season.  And they've pretty much made up the rules as they go along.  RAWR.

P.P.S. I probably should mention Emma Watson's new haircut, as the fandom seems to be completely up in arms.  Oh my God, give me a break.  She cut her hair.  That's it.  It was bound to happen sometime.  I know, I know, it will be kind of weird to see her doing all her press junkety stuff without her Hermione hair come fall, but I think she looks gorgeous.  Yeah, her color could stand to be redone, but who cares?  She's beautiful and she wanted to do it and she did.  End of story.  Can we move on now?  Thanks.  /done

Currently stuck in my head: Summer of '09 by ALL CAPS.  Been listening to Bmin/E far, far too much lately.

BEDA Quatre...Loving and Hating SYTYCD

Because my day was less than stellar (spent the day in Chicago to take class/kill time/shop in awful, rainy weather), I'll spare you the gory details and rave/rant about my one of my favorite (most of the time) shows, So You Think You Can Dance.

Now, for those of you that have been living under a rock for the last six years and have no idea what I'm talking about, I will give you a brief rundown.  SYTYCD, as it has come to be abbreviated (which isn't even easy to say outloud--Ess-Why-Tee-Why-See-Dee), is essentially American Idol for dancers.  Up until this season, of the thousands of auditionees, the best were sent to Las Vegas for "Vegas Week," and the Top 20 (10 women and 10 men) were chosen to compete on the show.  Each week, male/female couples would do a "routine" (btw, I hate that word, but more on that later), either in their own style or outside of it, and then the judges would critique them.  On results night, after a group number, the bottom three women and bottom three men were announced.  From Top 20 to Top 10, the judges could "save" two girls and two guys.  Then, from Top 10 to the finale, it was all up to the audience.  That format has changed a bit in the show's current 7th season.  Instead of a Top 20, there was a Top 11 (6 men, 6 women).  Each week, they have competed with routines paired either with each other or a SYTYCD "all-star" (standouts from past seasons).  Up until last week, when they announced the Final Four, the judges could save two of the bottom three, who could be all male, all female, or both, as the number of women no longer has to equal the men.  What do they win?  Well, usually money (a hefty chunk of change like $250,000 or something, which is crazy for a dancer, and the title of "America's Favorite Dancer").  Hope I'm explaining this well enough.  Aaaanyway...

I have to admit, I've had a love/hate relationship with this show from Day One...and I'll admit, I've watched it, literally, from Day One.  Season One was way back in 2005.  I think I'll do a Pro/Con list to more fully illustrate my point:

The Pros:

1. Dance is finally being given its day. The American public is actually interested in a show about dancers, and that can't be argued with.

2. Getting to see people go far outside of their comfort zones and succeed.  Nothing says that better than Alex Wong's epicness. Holy crap, are you kidding me?!!

3. Sometimes the pieces are truly inspiring. Standouts in my recent memory include the infamous bench number, Jason and Jeanine's "If it Kills Me," Chelsie and Mark's "Bleeding Love," Though I wasn't her biggest fan, Lacey and Kameron's contemporary, Tyce's very first B'way/SYTYCD debut, Katee and Joshua's Bollywood and along those same lines Caitlin and Jason's "Jai Ho," Jamie and Hok's "Hummingbird and the Flower," the first pas de deux that was every on the show, the very first number that made me cry on the show-Allison and Ivan's "Why," The "Addiction" piece, Katee and Twitch in "Mercy," Season 2's Final Four take on "Sexy Back" (which I can't find decent video of), and this season's aforementioned Alex Wong hip-hop, Robert and Allison's "Fix You," Billy and Kathryn's "Jar of Hearts," Robert and Kathryn's "Heaven is a Place on Earth," and Ade and Billy's "Mad World."  Ok, I'll stop now.  Also, I know it seems like I like this season best...it's not.  I think season 3 goes down as my favorite season in history because of Danny Tidwell.  By the way, that solo of his was totally mostly Le Corsaire :D

4. The fact that I've had the privilege of dancing with some of the contestants.  It's way more exciting to vote for someone you've known or worked with :)

5. The guest performances are by top companies and artists, people that the general public might not see otherwise.

6. It's a really fun summer show.  When I was in Orlando, all four of the lounges were overtaken by the students.  I get really into it.

7. I start to believe that I'm not quite so weird...you see, dancers are REALLY, REALLY touchy-feely and emotional and I'm like that and seeing dancers on television who have such passion for what they do and are really emotional and hug each other and whatnot...well, it reassures me that I have company in my craziness.

8. Cat Deeley. Enough said.

Now, for the cons:

1. Why are the hip-hop dancers always praised SOOOO highly for doing ballroom semi-ok because it is such a large feat to go from no training to ballroom, while the ballet dancers (very, very few have ever actually made it to the show) are constantly bashed for not excelling at hip-hop.  Newsflash: hip-hop is a completely different way of moving one's body if one has been classically trained.  The center of gravity shift is insane.  I know this from personal experience (i.e. I absolutely suck at hip-hop).  Why all the lenience shown to the b-boys and no mercy to the contemporary/ballet dancers?

2. The audition process.  Just get me to Vegas Week so we can see the real talent.  The trolls and stupid people and awful auditions are painful to watch.  UGH!

3. This doesn't really apply this season, as I don't believe she's been on once, but Mary Murphy.  For those of you who watch the show, you know what I'm talking about.  For those of you who don't, this should suffice as a brief introduction.  Barf.  So glad they replaced her.

4. The American audience's sometimes brainlessness.  Yeah, yeah I know.  Most of the people who watch the show don't have trained dancing eyes, but sometimes the best dancers don't win.  I understand why...they don't connect with the public on camera, and therefore, the public does not vote for them.  However, there are some people that overstay their welcome for reasons that are baffling to me (Some that stand out in my memory are Season 2's Heidi and Ivan, Season 3's Dominic and Lacey, Season 4's Joshua (who actually went on to win the show, and that still baffles me) and Comfort, and Season 5's Melissa and Kayla.  I didn't actually watch Season 6, as it was this past fall and 1) I wasn't a huge fan of any of the contestants and 2) I feel like this show only works as a summer series).  The other side of this coin is the dancers who don't stay around long enough, the ones who are voted out earlier than what I think their time should be (i.e. Season 2's Allison (btw so glad she's an all-star this season), Season 3's Jaimie, Season 4's William Wingfield (he's one of my favorite contestants to-date) and Chelsie (she should have been in the finals), and Season 5's Caitlin (ok, I'm a little biased as I danced with her in 2006-07).

5. The ultimate winners of the show.  I think, out of all 5 seasons I've watched, I've agreed with exactly two of the winners--Season 1's Nick Lazzarini and Season 5's Jeanine Mason.  The other winners--Benjii Schwimmer, Sabra Johnson, and Joshua Allen--have confused me since their respective finale nights, especially considering who their runner-ups were (Travis Wall, Danny Tidwell, and Katee Shean/Twitch, respectively).  I mean, come on!  Where is the logic in that?  I understand somebody must have liked the winners, otherwise they wouldn't have, you know, won.  But it just pisses me off that some of the best dancers have been totally jipped on this show!

6. The judges.  While I agree with them quite often, sometimes their logic escapes me.  I hate that they often criticize the dancers' costumes (seriously? They likely did not pick that pleather unitard off the rack and say, "Yes, I will most certainly rock this during the quick-step tonight).  I hate that sometimes a dancer's talent gets overlooked because they're criticizing their demeanor or character (a la Danny Tidwell season 3 when they could not get over the fact that they thought he was so "arrogant.")  And the constant focus on dancing from the inside-out.  WE GET IT!  The dancer has to connect with the camera.  He or she cannot do this if he or she is not passionate or if his or her passion is not showing through his or her dancing.  But they sound like broken records.

7. This. Period. End of story. Most heartbreaking and awful thing ever. Praying for Alex Wong's swift and complete recovery.

I think that's a fairly substantial list, and I don't want to make this post too terribly long and boring, so I'll quit now, but I just needed to get that off my chest.

The cons don't really outweigh the pros...I'd probably still watch even if there were more things I couldn't stand about the show, but there are just some things that irk me, and I needed to catalog them.  And not have a boring blog post.  Though I'm sure this is fairly boring to a lot of you.  I'm finishing this with a little over an hour to spare.  BEDA, I cannot give up on you yet!!  Peace and blessins, Me

Edit: I was so happy to hear to Prop 8 verdict today.  Work it, Judge Walker.

Edit 2: As if MSNBC read my mind, I found this article just now...