Rediscovering the Joy in Dancing

I have rediscovered the joy in my dancing.  Not that I ever really lost it, but sometimes, it gets hard doing the same thing day after day, week after week, especially when we only perform one weekend every 3-4 months.  Performing is what I love.  I know that class is necessary and the daily routine of my life would be all screwy if we didn't have it (not to mention, I'd be soooo out of shape), but the reason why I dance is because of the performance.  This Spring, the ballet department is doing an amazing performance with incredible rep.  We are so lucky, as a collegiate program, to be performing George Balanchine's, Serenade, Rubies, and Agnes de Mille's Rodeo.  I am more than pumped.  Today, we started learning Serenade.  I had the pleasure of performing it my sophomore year in high school and then again (just the first movement) when I was at North Carolina Dance Theatre for the summer program the summer before I stayed for the year.  The music and the costumes and the choreography are literally breathtaking.  Performing it was like a religious experience.  So to get to do it again is amazing.  The rehearsal went pretty well (although for the 47365th time I've been here, I still don't have a lead--which is discouraging, but another conversation entirely).  I am just thrilled to be able to have the opportunity to dance it again.

In other news, I received an email from the director of my IUDM committee, and it made me feel a helluva lot better about things.  Tomorrow, there is a bowling mixer with ALL of the IUDM committees, and it will be the first time I meet everyone.  I'm really excited and anticipating meeting everyone.

On Friday night of this weekend, a bunch of the DGs went over to one of the alumna's houses (she graduated last year and teaches in Bloomington) for dinner and a sleepover.  We made spaghetti, bruschetta, and break-and-bake cookies, drank far too much wine, watched the Hope for Haiti Now Telethon (and GLEE), and had good old-fashioned girl talk.  It was a nice break from the sorority house, but it also kinda made me miss living in my apartment.  I miss cooking and being able to have a queen bed and a bathtub and just being able to live without being surrounded by constant drama.  Please don't get my wrong, I love DG still, but every once in a while it's nice to have a break.

I also saw Up in the Air on Saturday night.  I absolutely loved it.  George Clooney was brilliant as always, and I was really impressed with Anna Kendrick's performance.  Having only been familiar with her in Twilight (gag me) and on an episode of Leno, she did a fabulous job.  Such an interesting story line (funny and heartbreaking and wonderful).  It also re-inspired my desire to travel (albeit with someone and not for my job and not shutting people out of my life).  It absolutely has to happen.

In regards to my previous post, Leah said that, although I used the word "trust" about 20 times, I didn't use the word "faith" once.  This surprised even me.  I guess I don't struggle with my faith.  I have faith that God is always going to come through for me...I have faith in the plan.  It's trusting that faith that I tend to have issues with.

I really hope this week isn't too terribly long.  I'm already ready for the weekend.  Does that make me pathetic or just unmotivated?

Trusting...

I don't admittedly have what you would typically call trust issues.  I mean, things have happened in my life where I should, and, yes, I occasionally do...Hell, I haven't exactly had a real relationship, so maybe I will feel differently when I start dating someone for real, but for right now, I don't have trouble trusting people.  Okay, I don't exactly share my deepest, darkest secrets or profoundly tragic things that have happened to me with just anyone.  Of course, I have to earn their trust and they, mine.  What I mean to say is this post is not about trusting people.  This is about trusting.  Period.

I recently interviewed for a dance marathon committee that I've been wanting to be on since probably hour 3 of November's IUDM.  The Morale committee to be exact.  At the marathon and since, I felt as if I had been called to it.  I hadn't been able to stop thinking about the line dance and those incredible people in tie-dye for three months straight.  Everyone to whom I told my wish to be on Morale encouraged me, gave me advice for the interview, and said that they thought I'd be perfect for it.  Well, I interviewed (it went well) and found out the results on Thursday.  I am now a member of the Alumni Relations committee (a theme in my life now as I am the Director of A.R. for DG).  I was excited on the phone talking to my director, but as soon as I got off, I broke down.  It isn't that I'm ungrateful or not thrilled to be joining the IUDM family...that is NOT it.  At all.  It's that I threw myself so wholeheartedly into it (the interview, the wanting it, etc.) and then didn't get it.

I shouldn't be surprised, honestly.  Things in my life tend to go this way.  With ballet.  With boys.  With other things, in general.  I get my hopes up or my heart set on something and it doesn't happen.  People say you shouldn't have any expectations because then you'll never be disappointed.  I suppose they're right.  If you don't expect anything or expect the worst, then you won't get hurt when your expectations aren't met and you will be surprised when they're surpassed.  But my heart doesn't work like that.  As you know, I am incredibly emotional and passionate.  I throw myself into things 200%.  So I have expectations and hopes and I get my heart set.  And I am often disappointed.

When God closes a door, it is said that he opens a window.  I truly believe that everything happens for a reason.  There is a reason that I wasn't chosen for the Morale committee, but was placed on Alumni Relations instead.  I just don't know that yet.  And right now, I'm still too bummed to even speculate as to what that reason may be.  I'm sure that once I have my first meeting and meet everyone, I'll feel differently than I do now.  I'm so thrilled to be a part of IUDM at all, as it is truly one of the most incredible organizations I've ever had the opportunity of working with.  I know that I have been placed in this position for a reason unbeknownst to me, and I just have to trust that God has a plan.  Something wonderful must be around the corner.  There has to be.  I have trouble trusting that everything will work itself out.  That God always has a plan.  He does.  He knows how many hairs we have on our head, our desires before we do.  He knows everything that's on my heart.  He will not disappoint me.  I know this.  It's the believing part I struggle with.

A Prayer for Haiti

After natural disasters like the earthquake Haiti experienced yesterday, we find ourselves as blessed Americans wondering what we can do to help.  Donating funds (money is the easiest and most effective way to help as organizations such as Red Cross, WorldVision, and Samaritan's Purse benefit most by being able to purchase the supplies they need with the funds they have.  But another important (and easy) way we, those of us far removed from this devastating catastrophe, can help is through the simple act of prayer.  We may not know why this happened.  Haiti certainly does not deserve this kind of heartbreak.  But we can ask God to be with the people of Haiti and the relief workers helping there.  To ask God to aid world leaders in their decision-making for how to proceed.  We can ask Him to be with families and friends waiting for word on the statuses of their loved ones.

I saw this prayer on one of beliefnet's blogs and had to share it:

My prayer is for solid ground.
May the earth that crumbled beneath feet and homes and schools once again become solid ground for walking and loving and learning.
May worried families and friends discover their loved ones safely spared waiting for them on solid ground.
May those who are trapped amid the rubble feel the solid power of love and healing that the world is sending their way.
May we who are so far away from the devastation find a way to share some of the solid ground of our full lives with those who have lost so much.
May the solid ground of this simple prayer become a foundation on which Haiti can rebuild.
Amen.

New Year, New Semester, New Babies

Sorry it's been a little while...not that anyone's reading this...are you?  Tell me!  Seriously, comments are sooo appreciated!  Anyway, basically I wanted to update you on my life since 2010 began.  Here goes the recap:

1. I spent New Year's Eve in Chicago visitng my best friend from high school who I NEVER get to see.  It was absolutely wonderful and perfect and we picked up right where we left off like we were 16 and living in the dorms again as usually happens when a Bridgette/Ellen reunion occurs.  It's sad because I never really see anyone from my ballet high school anymore.  They are so far away from me and making time/getting the money to see them is difficult.  They're hoping to organize an alumni reunion for the 25th anniversary of the spring ballet show, but finding the time around my school/finals schedule to get to Virginia might be way more work than it's worth.  We shall see.

2.  I left home to return to school a week early for Sorority Recruitment.  While it proceeded to give me headaches, a sore throat, laryngitis, a cold, and insane exhaustion, it also helped me remember why I pledged Delta Gamma just one year ago.  I got to read a letter to the chapter at Preference Round, and I got quite emotional at the end of it.  I don't deserve these women in my life.  They are incredible.  There is a cliche quote that many sorority women use to explain why they joined their chapters:  "They say joining a sorority is paying for your friends...if that's the case, I didn't pay nearly enough."  But it's so true.

3.  School started yesterday.  I have mixed feelings about the stress of the semester beginning.  I'm not entirely as excited about my Epidemics in History class as I thought I would be, mostly because my professor says "um" and "uh" practically after every single word she says and it's VERY distracting.  Ugh...hopefully, I'll get used to it.  I'm also teaching beginning ballet at 8 am on Tuesdays and Thursdays this semester.  I hope I'm not a total grouch and that these kids give me something.  Being upbeat and chipper at 8 am is REALLY difficult for me.  My English class (19th Century Lit) looks promising, though.  We're starting with Persuasion and I'm ecstatic!

4.  Finally, yesterday, our hard work and sleepless nights of Recruitment paid off when our new baby DGs arrived at the house.  They are all beautiful and amazing and so cool!!!!  We are soooo lucky to have them and I'm so excited about the coming week of hanging with the babes and the fun of Bid Week :)  The picture below is of some of the sophomores and juniors waiting outside our house for the newbies to arrive on the buses last night.

5.  My mom's wedding is in 5 weeks.  I'm trying to find a dress to wear in it as I will be her maid of honor/only attendant.  The search is going pretty well, although finding a decent, simple black dress for under 150 bucks is not as easy as it would sound.

6.  I'm going to be really sore tomorrow.  Third day of ballet.  Ow.  End of story.

7.  One last thing, I am now caught up on Doctor Who.  End of Time Part 1 and 2 were heartbreaking and tearful and I'm so sad David Tennant will no longer be the Doctor, but I'm optimistic about what Matt Smith will bring to the table as Eleven.  Hopefully, it will be great.  DT = <3 though :) 

I'll leave you now.  I need to get to bed/get my runny nose taken care of.  My nose hurts from blowing it with toilet paper as I can't find any Kleenex :(

The End of Break...Not Happy

Tomorrow I head back to school a week before school resumes for Panhellenic Recruitment.  While I am incredibly excited about the prospect of new DGs, I am not thrilled about a) having to spend Monday night moving rooms, b) leaving home, and c) the fact that I will probably be in Delta Gamma Land for the next week.  I have had a wonderful break.  It has been so great to be home, away from the stresses of school with the family enjoying the holidays.  Honestly the idea of being back at school kind of makes me nauseous at the moment.

I'm the kind of person, and I'm sure this is due to my anxiety/worrying, who dreads things.  I find it very hard to just let things be.  I am constantly thinking of what will come next, what I have to look forward (or not look foward) to.  I almost dread the day after Christmas more than I look forward to the 25th of December.  So, in short, I am dreading the return to the grind...the rehearsals, the books, the papers, the parties, etc.

I know, I know, I should take a deep breath and snap out of it, drive down to school tomorrow, relax and enjoy.  Believe me, I'm trying.  It's just difficult.