Sometimes I have those days where I cannot stop thinking. Today was one of those days.
This wasn't productive thinking either...this was freak-yourself-out-to-the-point-of-hyperventilation kind of thinking. You see, I haven't really allowed myself to think about the fact that I'm a) going to be a senior in college and b) need to get a job next year til today, when I had too much time alone with just my thoughts. And I can safely say that I'm officially freaking out.
I'm terrified. Terrified that I'm not good enough. That I won't be cast well this year at IUBT and therefore, won't have decent performance footage when I go to make my video. Terrified that my family won't be able to pay the travel expenses necessary to send me all over the country to audition. Terrified that any number of things could go wrong.
I wish I had someone here at home (besides my mother, that is...I mean, she's great, but I need my friends) who could pick me up and take me away from my thoughts. I mean, I can call any number of people, but I need the physical contact right now. I'm being swallowed by nagging thoughts about how I need to lose six pounds, being eaten by knots in my stomach.
And this is NOT good. School hasn't even started yet. Auditions don't start til January. So why can't I get a break from my overly analytical brain? jfkdlsghkdslghdklsg
Sorry for the gjdlkghskdlg post today...just in a bit of a funk right now and not sure how to deal with it, that's all.
Song currently stuck in my head: "The Cave" by Mumford & Sons. (They're lovely...you should check them out!)
(((hugs))) It's a freak out kind of day (life?). It just hit me that I'm graduating in December. . . which is soon. Try to enjoy your time at home while you can! I have every confidence that you will end up with the job you're supposed to have.
ReplyDeleteOh, and Graham is OBSESSED with Mumford and Sons. He plays that song, like, on repeat all the time, but I never knew other people listened to them. Haha
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