Year in Review: Songs, Shows, and Movies

There are always those songs and shows and movies that you become addicted to or that define the year.  Here are the ones that defined mine...in no particular order.

Songs:

1. Essentially every song from GLEE. Yes, there have been a few that I did not care for (I'm looking at you "Dog Days are Over"), but mostly, I'm obsessed. Highlights include the Journey Medley from the season 1 finale, the entirety of the NPH, Madonna, and Britney episodes, the epic Darren Criss led acapella version of Teenage Dream, and any song where Kurt/Chris Colfer gets a solo.

2. "For the Widows in Paradise, For the Fatherless in Ypsilanti" by Sufjan Stevens. I choreographed to this in April, and it was definitely a challenge to go outside my comfort zone and choreograph something, but the music (and my four lovely dancers) made it easy. And I'm still obsessed with that song.

3. Essentially everything by Explosions in the Sky, but I'm pretty sure I could listen to "Your Hand in Mine" every minute of every day for the rest of my life and I would die happy.

4. "Celebrate You" by Corbin Bleu. No, I'm not kidding. After our excursion to Disney World this summer, the Orlando RAs and I came back and played it about 875738 times, and it became our summer anthem.  Yes, I'm aware that we're complete dorks.

5. "Waka Waka (Time for Africa)" by Shakira. World Cup 2010. That is all.

6. "Africa" by Straight No Chaser. While it wasn't new to me this year, it definitely helped my dressing room mates and I calm down before Nutcracker shows. It was frequently on repeat in Room 3.

7. "Miracles" by Norwegian Recycling...what became an IUDM anthem. So. Amazing.

8. The getting ready/going out/party anthems of the year that were overplayed and overdone, but you loved them anyway.  My list won't be anywhere near exhaustive, so I'm just gonna trust that you know the songs I'm talking about (ahem California Girls and everything by Ke$ha, etc., etc., etc.)

9. "Rude Boy" by Rihanna was our IUBT Spring Semester 2010 anthem. We were obsessed. Oh my...

10. The following albums: B/Min E by ALL CAPS (the soundtrack to my summer and my workouts), Sigh No More by Mumford & Sons (my calming soundtrack when I needed serenity...still angry about the fact that "Little Lion Man" is now always on the radio), Illuminations by Josh Groban (though my voice major friends pretty much hate me for being in love with him, I'm obsessed, and his new album is brilliant), and The OBC RENT soundtrack (renewed love for it was instilled when the theatre department put it on in October, and I still can't get those songs out of my head).

**I'm sure there are many, many more songs that I could talk about, but that's a fine list for starters.

Shows:

1. GLEE. As mentioned above, I'm in love.  I know some people hate it, but I adore this show.  My Tuesday nights are made infinitely better when there's a new episode, and especially once Darren Criss was introduced as Blaine, my love only deepened.

2. Pretty Little Liars. Yes. Don't judge me. It's so good. 4 days til the season 2 premiere.

3. Doctor Who. While I was first introduced to Doctor Who over 2 years ago now, it never ceases to amaze me how much I love it.  While I, like most, miss David Tennant, I'm totally infatuated with Matt Smith and Karen Gillan is effing brilliant.

4. Gossip Girl. I barely watched season 3, but season 4 has sucked me back in. The misbehavior of the rich and privileged is apparently something I can't escape.

5. The Tudors. I only just started watching it a few days ago, but I am hooked. The 16th century according to Showtime is sexy. Henry Cavill as Charles Brandon...end of story.

EDIT: 6. Modern Family. How could I forget?! Hands down one of the funniest shows on television. Brilliant cast, sweet story, and Phil Dunphy....what more could you want?

Movies:

1. Toy Story 3. As I said in my post below, the culmination of a trilogy. It is beautiful.

2. Black Swan. You know my thoughts on this already.

3. Deathly Hallows Part 1.  You know my thoughts on this already, as well.

4. Inception. I still think it's one of the most visually stunning movies I've ever seen.  And JGL and Leo were incredible. The word that everyone kept coming back with was "mind fuck" and I'm pretty sure they were right.

5. The Social Network. Seeing the unfolding of the website that most of us spend way too much of our lives on was probably the weirdest and coolest thing ever.  How much our lives have become completely digitized in so short a time. Oh, and it didn't hurt that Armie Hammer is a total hunk, too.

6. Sex and the City 2. Ok, so it wasn't good. At all. And all that decadence in a summer of recession was plain uncalled for. But I have an attachment to those characters and so of course, I had to see it...twice.  It was certainly not a DEFINING movie for the year, but I think it still belongs on my list.

I think that's a good list for now...if I think of others, I will come back and edit.  You might ask why there are no books on my list...the truth is that I have had little time to read for anything except school (even this summer I only squeezed in a couple of books because of an independent study course), so I really don't have any books that defined my year. Oh, except of course The Hunger Games series. Which is phenomenal. That's all.

I still don't really have NYE plans, so I guess I better get my butt in gear and find some. Love youuu!!!

Year in Review, Continued

These are moments and events (smaller things/perfect little moments) that I neglected to mention in my last post...

Getting to go to Infinitus 2010 for a brief few hours
This was definitely unexpected.  I found myself in Orlando during Infinitus, but due to the constraints of working as an RA, I was sure that I wasn't going to be able to get time off to visit.  However, by some miracle, I was able to leave campus and hang out with Marlena and Leah in the gorgeous hotel pool, and was even able to attend a little bit of the ball...I got to see people I hadn't seen in AAAAAGESSSSS, and it was just genuinely lovely.  I'm still praying for a miracle to attend LeakyCon 2011, but audition expenses are proving steep and, due to the uncertainty of what I will be doing in July, I honestly don't know what I'm going to do.  Pray that something pans out and that I'm able to attend...I can't imagine not seeing DH Part 2 without the rest of the fandom.

Sneaking out and seeing Toy Story 3 with the Orlando RAs
It was late, we got lost, and it was a whopping $17 movie ticket, but that was one of the most fun few hours ever.  It was so great to see the culminating film of the trilogy with people that, like me, had grown up with Andy.  I have yet to watch it without bawling my eyes out. And I'm totally ok with that.

Deathly Hallows Midnight Release
This was the first release that had happened while I was actually IN school, so it was amazing to be able to go with two of my dearest friends. I used my Halloween costume and dressed as the Golden Snitch.  The film was brilliant, and I am so excited for what Yates has in store for us in July.

Serenade
Spring Ballet 2010 was not the greatest time I've ever had at IU...I felt kind of shafted because, for the third time, I was in the back of the Serenade corps.  But, while I would have much rather been cast as Dark Angel, or at least had the opportunity to learn Rubies, I was still so grateful to be performing my favorite ballet of all time.  The last show, I got a little emotional on stage. The music, the tulle, the movement...it was one of those religious experiences I occasionally have on stage, and it was beautiful.

Summer Session I
Living with two of my best friends in a house (finally!) where I could cook my own food and bake as much as my heart desired was amazing.  Yes, the being in school part sucked, but that was a small price to pay for those 6 weeks of bliss.  Brownies, wine, and countless trips to Redbox defined that part of my summer, and it was brilliant.

--- No photo evidence :( ---

General good times with IUBT
Because my sorority has been a much different place this semester (not that it's not great), I've been spending a lot more time with the ballet dancers, who I know will be my friends for the rest of my life.  So many bad days turned into fabulous nights, and when we couldn't take it anymore, we just said, "Screw it," and took shots.  I would not have gotten through Allegro or Snow Queen without praying with one of my dearest friends before all the shows.  I would have cried without baking nights or wine nights or general craziness that has occurred with these people.  I love them with all of my heart, and I can't wait to soak up every minute with them in 2011.

Well, I'm off to watch more of The Tudors, which is quickly becoming one of my favorite shows.  Damn, Showtime makes the 16th century look sexy.  Ok, enough of my ramblings.  Good night!

Year in Review: Memorable Events

Inspired in part by the lovely Sarah Badger, I'm going to countdown to 2011 with my most memorable (happy and not so happy) moments and memories of 2010.  Overall, it was a year of both change and constancy.  I dealt with a lot, learned a lot, laughed a lot, and, above all, laughed a lot.  Today, we'll start with  memorable events that occurred this year.

1. My mom's wedding
I honestly don't think this year would have been what it was without the marriage of my mother to the most wonderful man in February.  Yes, it's been different to get used to sharing a house with extra people (and pets), but seeing my mom this happy has given me hope that I will one day find someone as wonderful as she has found and has also (for the most part) restored my faith in men.

2. Spring Break in Mississippi
One of the most rewarding things I've ever participated in.  I met some really incredible friends on that trip, and it was so much more wonderful and fulfilling than I believe any trip to Cancun would have been.  I guess I learned this year that service in some form has to be a part of my life...which brings me to my next point.

3. Orlando Ballet Summer Intensive 2010
I'm going to go more in depth about this one in a post later this week, but, while the dancing part of the 5 weeks was less than great, the experiences I shared with those 12 other RAs cannot be replaced. Disney, Cirque, and The Wizarding World all in one month?!  I am too lucky.

4. My Grandfather's Passing
In the middle of Orlando, I got the phone call that my grandfather had passed away just a few days shy of his birthday.  It was an emotional few days to say the least.  I was so grateful that he was no longer suffering, and that the Lord had taken him for His own.  But I was also grieving.  I hadn't really grieved for anyone close to me since my other grandfather passed away about 8 or 9 years ago, and I guess I forgot what it was like.  It's a lot to deal with, but I know that he is happy now, probably playing his guitar somewhere, and looking down on us all.

5. Fall Ballet 2010
Not only was I cast in Allegro Brillante, which is definitely one of the hardest things I've ever done in my life, I had the privilege of working with Josh Bergasse on his new piece called "The Baker Dances."  He utilized me a lot and it was the first time I'd gotten to do really contemporary stuff in a long time.  I felt so confident on stage and it was one of the most thrilling things I've ever performed.  I felt so blessed to be a dancer in those moments.  It was truly incredible.

6. IUDM 2010

Remember when I was incredibly upset because I did not get onto the committee that I had initially gone out for?  HA!  This year was largely defined by my experiences with Alumni Relations and our work and my committee.  If I had a dime for every time I was on the floor laughing with these people (or crying with them) I'd be freaking rich right now.  We became a family so quickly and we remain that way a month and a half post-marathon.  How did I get so lucky to know such amazing people?  And then that weekend. Those 36 hours. I don't even...AHH!  $1,602,713.20. Inspiring. Beautiful. Unreal.

7. Nutcracker 2010
Being cast as one of four snow queens in IUBT's Nutcracker was simultaneously the biggest blessing and biggest curse.  It was 6 weeks of an emotional rollercoaster.  When it was good, it was great, but when it went badly, I was a mess.  It drove me a little crazy (not quite Nina Sayres, but maybe about 20% of that).  But then that Sunday afternoon...it was just...it went as well as it could have.  I threw my whole self into it, and, though I know it wasn't completely perfect, it was absolutely the best I could have done.  And the lift was perfect.  And it was so joyful.

I think that's a fairly good list for the moment.  If I think of anything else, I'll add to it.  Stay tuned for more lists of my 2010.  Speaking of New Year's, I really need plans...hmmm....

P.S. Let me know what you think of the new layout :)

Christmastime: Nostalgia, Current Enjoyment, and Future Fears

Why is it that come December, we all long to be 5 again?  I think something about the snow and eggnog seep into our psyches and make us yearn for the days of being innocent and carefree...and when we still believed in Santa Claus.  It's upsetting that Christmastime, as I age, has become a bit more stressful, and how the month of December has turned into whirlwind push-yourself-to-breaking-point-to-get-ready-for-Nutcracker-and-then-perform-it chaos followed by frantically-try-to-finish-projects-and-papers-you-put-off-and-cram-for-finals madness, so that by the time I returned home for break this past Friday, I did nothing but sleep and sit for about 48 hours.  Don't get me wrong, I absolutely loved performing Nutcracker this year...snow went well and the ballet department came together more than I'd seen it, and it was just lovely and uncompetitive and supportive and family-like.  But the stress of it wore me out...and the following two weeks--dead week (which was not dead) and finals week (which sucked because, though I only had two finals, they fell the last two days of the week) were no picnic either.  So I guess what I'm saying is that school has sort of interfered with my Christmastime enjoyment.  But being home has sort of washed that all clean...and family time and shopping and baking and decorating and loveliness has made up for over half the month of December being completely crazy and nuts (no pun intended).

This got me thinking, however, about the prospect of me (hopefully and God willing) being in a company next year...where the likelihood of being able to be home for Thanksgiving is, well, not...and the probability of a long Nutcracker run through December 26th or later (Boston's goes through NYE--ew) is pretty high.  I haven't spent Christmas away from home, well, EVER.  The thought of not being in my bed on Christmas morning pretty much makes me sick to my stomach.  Aaaaand the fact that one weekend of Nutcracker shows did me in makes me question my ability to survive a long Nut run without completely burning out or getting injured.  I know that this is just all speculation in my head...the usual worrying and overthinking that my brain seems to put me through on a daily basis, but these are real fears of mine.  I don't question my ability to make friends in the company where I will hopefully end up, and therefore, I don't doubt that I will be able to figure out how to have Christmas away from home in the middle of Nutcracker.  But right now, thinking about that makes me sad and terrified.

All I want in the world is for my audition season beginning in January to go well and for me to come out on the other side in May knowing where I'll be in August and hopefully with plans in the works on how to get there.  All I want in the world is get a job dancing.  If a company that offers me a job has a long Nutcracker season, it will certainly not impact if I say "yes."  A job's a job.  Sacrifice has been one of the words that's followed me around my whole life.  Maybe Christmas at home will just have to wait until December 27th next year...

...Or, who knows?  Maybe I'll end up at a company like where my dear friend Emily is and get to go home on the 17th of December...

I hope you all have a very merry Christmas, or, if you celebrate something else that you have a great holiday and a Happy New Year...I might be back here before the 1st of January, but just in case I'm covering all my bases.  Be safe and enjoy your families and friends.  I hope this Christmas you find yourselves blessed by the gifts of God and the goodness of grace.  Much love.  <3

Black Swan, Finals, and Waiting to be home for Christmas

So...I saw Black Swan today. And instead of sleeping, I now find myself unable to get the movie out of my head. It's still spinning.

My initial thoughts are that it was creepy and weird and awkward and scary and different and unexpected and kind of really cool. Because I do not think I can do a review justice, I will simply stick with a list of things I liked and didn't like.

Things I liked:

1. Seeing familiar faces in the dancers in the background.  Dancers from Pennsylvania Ballet were featured as extras and a couple are acquaintances of mine.  Very cool to be in a movie theater and go, "I know her!"

2. The close-up of the foot in the fouette sequence. Pretty sure those were Sarah Lane's feet...fierce.

3. Natalie Portman's acting.  Whether you loved the movie or hated it, you cannot doubt that the girl deserves at least an Oscar nom, if not a win.

4. Natalie Portman's Black Swan makeup...obsession.

5. The creepy-not-knowing-what-the-hell-was-going-on-or-what-was-real-and-not-real of it all.

Things I did not like:

1. The stereotypes. Ok, we get it...she's supposed to be a control freak and she's a ballet dancer...she must have bulimia. #annoying

2. The sex scenes. They were awkward and uncomfortable and I covered my eyes.

3. Nina's relationship with her mother made me want to vomit. I think it was definitely a vital part of the story, but the mommy-dearestness of it all just kind of made me sick to my stomach.

4. There was more blood than I had anticipated. It was fine, but just unexpected.

5. The company seemed very competitive.  Though at times, they were supportive of Nina and the other dancers, it seemed very cutthroat.  The nature of companies allows for healthy competition; however, companies are more like families than anything else.  If you don't have love and support from your colleagues, you've got nothin' and you won't survive in this world.  Although, maybe that was the point...Nina's complete inability to be normal and her disconnect from the rest of the company and her living-with-her-mother thing perhaps isolated her and fed her delusions.

Overall, I really liked it...however, all the "masterpiece" and "perfect" reviews are a little lost on me simply because it's way different watching it from the perspective of a dancer.  It's a very dark view of my world, and, while I understand it is much more psychothriller than documentary, it kind of depicts the ballet world as one that is beyond crazy, with all directors lusting after their principals and all principals going crazy over performing Odette/Odile. But in general, I thought it was a fantastic film, and I'm probably going to go with my mom over break...might leave the step-dad at home though...those sex scenes were just too much to handle...

In other news, I went to a very fun IUBT gathering on Saturday night and wore a priceless outfit...it was an Ugly Christmas Sweater Potluck and I looked absolutely ridiculous.  Have a look:

Other winners included Kiki:

Alyssa in her child's homemade sweater complete with fuzzy bear:

 

And Mara and Colleen, who matched in their ridiculous denim dresses:

Alright, I'm off to bed, now that my head is partially cleared.  Gonna pick up coffee in the morning and then hit the music library and the books hard.  Chaucer final on Thursday and Ancient Greek Culture final on Friday.  So close to break I can taste it...but I have to, you know, not fail first.  Here's hoping!  Good luck to the rest of you in the throes of finals week--I hope your paper-writing, project-finishing, exam-studying is going well...well, as well as it can, at least.  To those of you already on break, I'm jealous.  To those of you who are in the throes of Nutcracker season, hang in there...praying for you to have longevity and joy in the monotony.  And to the rest of you, I hope that you are well and finding at least a little time to yourself in this busy month of Christmas shopping, gathering, and craziness.  Love to all.

The End is Beginning...

So that whole blogging-through-tech-week thing didn't exactly come to fruition, did it?  Sorry...I barely had time to sleep or eat, let alone tell you all about it...

Anyway, Nutcracker has been done for 3 days now, and I guess I'm more relieved than sad.  But I'm still sad.  The performances went better than I could have possibly expected them to.  I had more fun dancing Snow Queen on stage, and it finally felt like all those tears were worth it.  I've never cried so much over a role ever, and it was more amazing than I could have imagined.  Truth be told, I am a little sad it's over though.  That was my last IUBT Nutcracker.  That is the 2nd to last time I will share the MAC stage with them.  There is nothing like the friendships I have with these people.  We've been through everything together the last 2 1/2 years and I can't believe that in a few short months, I will be an alumna of Indiana University and will be leaving behind all the wonderful people that this place has allowed me to meet.  I never wanted to do college.  And it has turned into the most incredible and unexpected blessing in my life.  Best, most important decision ever.  I just need not to focus so much on the imminence of graduation and savor my last semester of college with the best friends ever.

I finally finished my Chaucer paper last night (thank God).  Not sure how I did and I honestly don't care all that much...though I probably will when I get it back...ugh.  I'm really bummed because I basically have nothing to do for the next week...my only two finals are next Thursday and Friday.  Cruel, cruel joke, Registrar's Office.  I just want to be home.  Praying for motivation and resolve for this last week.

I cannot wait to be home with family celebrating Christmas...I feel like I haven't really been able to enjoy the season yet because I've been so swamped with Nutcracker and school and it being 7 degrees here in Btown. 

Alrighty, I'm off to watch more bad made-for-tv Christmas movies in an effort to take my mind off how hungry I am and then head to bed.  I hope all of you who are studying for finals are fairing better than I am.  Safe travels for those of you making journeys home soon.  <3

I'm baaaaack!

Um...hey, world.  Where did the last 4 months go?  And also, why did I forget about blogging for them?  Oops!  I am sorry.  Please forgive me, dear readers.  I'm sure you didn't miss me much anyway...my life is NOT that exciting, I assure you. 

Let me see if I can condense the last 4 months into a semi-concise blog post.  September flew by with tailgates, lots of reading, and tons of rehearsal for fall ballet, during one of which I twisted my ankle (it's still been giving me a bit of trouble, but our athletic trainer is a miracle worker and it's doing much better).  I was cast in Balanchine's Allegro Brillante and Josh Bergasse's new piece entitled The Baker Dances and had a wonderful time doing both.  Though I think I enjoyed the latter a bit more because it was much more contemporary.  After fall ballet weekend in October, life was consumed with final preparation/alumni contacting for IUDM 2010 and Halloween (I went as the golden snitch).  And the last month has been crazy...Nutcracker rehearsals, IUDM weekend, the Deathly Hallows release, and I just returned to school from Thanksgiving break.

IUDM was incredible.  Being on the other side of things as a committee member was one of the most rewarding things I've ever been a part of.  I'm very sad I'm graduating early because I won't be able to be a part of dance marathon again.  My committee was comprised of some of the most incredible people I've ever met and together we helped bring 150-200 alumni back to the marathon, 3 or 4 times more than ever.  It was brilliant.  And when it was all over, we had raised $1,602,713.20 for Riley Hospital for Children.  So amazing.

As far as DH goes, I went to the midnight release with two of my good friends at school and we absolutely loved it.  Yes, there are minor things that weren't quite right, but I could overlook them because the movie was absolutely the most beautiful HP movie ever. I've now seen it three times. And it is still brilliant every time.  Favorite moments for me include the Harry/Hermione dancing scene (which has no romantic subtext at all and all I can think every time is "AHHH they're such good friendssss!"), Rupert's acting (which was fabulous), and Dobby's death (while not "happy", it was perfect and beautiful).  All of the little Ron/Hermione stuff was adorable, too.  Oh and "Just keep talkin' about that little ball of light touchin' your heart..."

Nutcracker performances are this weekend.  I have never been more nervous for anything in my life because I am snow queen for the Sunday matinee show.  I need to figure out how to relax and I need to know that I'm capable of doing this.  AHHH!  Also, this week is stressful because I not only will be in the theater til 10 all week, but I also have a big 7-10 page Chaucer paper due Friday.  UGH!!!!  I feel like I'm drowning...I just want to go back home to my bed and my mom and my kitty and my dogs and wine and cooking and the fireplace.  I currently think the heat is off upstairs in the Deeg...I'm literally shivering. 

I'm sorry I forgot about this and I'm going to try to make an effort to update this more often.  I might even document tech week/Nutcracker this week if I have time!  Love you all.  Happy (almost) December!  And Happy belated Thanksgiving!!!

BEDA Trente-et-un...The End.

I know I ran out of steam towards the end of BEDA, but blame school and moving in and readjusting and fun for that, not me!  I've definitely enjoyed this month of documenting life and interacting with you, my dear readers.  You guys are seriously awesome. 

I had my Chaucer class for the first time today, and my prof seems both incredibly brilliant and awesomely funny.  She also proclaimed herself a nerd at least twice while introducing herself, so that's always a plus.  I definitely think the Geoffrey is going to be challenging, but so worth it.  And then ballet went pretty well today, too...first day of pointe in a while, but it wasn't too bad.  But I had dead shoes so that wasn't too fun. 

And the rest of my day has been pretty chilled out.  All set to go out to what's known as $2 Tuesday at Bloomington's most popular bar.  Btw, $2 is my favorite night of the week.  Love it.

I was hoping to come up with some grand conclusion to this month of typing feverishly, etc., but I can't seem to find one.  I guess all I'll say is that it was fun, but I definitely don't want to attempt it for at least another year.  I'll stick with my every few days posts...when I actually have something to talk about.  Hope all you fellow BEDAers have enjoyed doing it...and thanks for keeping me motivated!  Love you all.  And Happy September!!!!

BEDA Trente...First day of school and home stretch of BEDA

The above picture is of our performance space at IU.  I cannot wait to start work on Noir, Allegro Brilliante, and The Baker's Dances.  YAY!

Today was my first day of my senior year.  For those of you who don't know, I'm graduating a year early from school because a) I have enough credits to do so, b) I need to get out into the ballet/dancing world as soon as possible before my body breaks down and I'm an old woman, and c) My family can't afford a 4th year of college.  I think it's going to be a good semester.

I'm teaching at 8 am with another girl in the ballet department, but there are only 4 people enrolled in our class, so I think they're trying to combine the intermediate level with the advanced level, which my dear friend Alyssa is teaching.  This would be awesome because, not only would it be a bigger class (small classes are hard to motivate), but also would be split between the three of us, so I'd only have to get up at an ungodly hour every third week.  Which would be amazing.  So I'm hoping that happens.

My Ancient Greek Culture class looks like it's going to be very cool.  My prof is, like, the cutest nerd ever.  She can't be a day over 35, came in with her cap-sleeved oxford shirt tucked into a navy skirt with red heels on, bun in hair, and adorable over-sized black rimmed nerdglasses.  And she was just generally adorable, and I think I'm really going to enjoy her lectures.

And then ballet was, well, ballet, but we had Guo Ping (my favorite teacher in the department), and I didn't have as bad a class as I was expecting to, and I love IUBT so much.  No, seriously.  Most amazing group of dancer friends I've ever had. 

Tonight, I'm gonna stay in, do the reading assignment for Ancient Greek Culture, and watch some television. 

I can't believe BEDA is almost over.  And I only missed one day.  But it's ok, because I truly spaced the fact that I hadn't blogged on Saturday.  My fault.  I've definitely enjoyed this month of documenting my life, while, I'll admit, it's probably not that interesting.  Last post tomorrow.  And I promise, I will not neglect this blog ever again.  Though my posts, of course, will not be every day beginning Wednesday.  To the rest of you starting school this week, good luck.  To those who haven't started yet, I'm a little jealous you're still enjoying your summer.  To those of you who are no longer in school, please convince me that the "real world" isn't scary and threatening.  Night, ya'll.  <3

BEDA Vingt-Huit/Neuf...I'm riding the BEDA Fail Boat

Ok, so here's the thing.  I got to school on Thursday and since then, it has been fun thing after fun thing after fun thing and I haven't been spending much of my time glued to my laptop.  And, apparently I failed at writing in this blog yesterday.  So that sucks.  Because I swore I wouldn't fail BEDA...and I think I have.  Because I missed a day.  Stupid, Ellen.  UGHHHH!

Anyway, so...yesterday, I went to the IU Outdoor pool for a Dance Marathon pool party...in which mostly all that happened was a bunch of outgoing, drunk (or really hungover) college kids got together to "raise money for the kids" and basically check each other out.  It was a pretty hilarious sight, but it was nice to be in the sun and see my committee members who I'd been away from all summer.  Love them all.  Then my mom and step-dad stopped by to drop off the rest of my stuff (and they stayed for far too short a time).  And then I went to Kilroy's (my favorite Bloomington bar...it was recently voted number 5 on a list of the 50 best college bars in American...*gloats*) for dinner/happy hour, ended up staying til 8, ordering pizza to a fraternity house with the friends I was with, consuming said pizza (and an entire bottle of prosecco between 6 people), and then going back to Kilroy's and staying til 2 in the morning.  So much fun.  Maybe not the most responsible fun.  But, seriously...so fun.  And I missed that. 

Today, I went out on boats on Lake Monroe with the rest of my house for a welcome-back-to-the-house sisterhood event.  It was fun, but things that happened made me a bit upset, and I don't care to elaborate here, so we'll just say I had a good time.  And then I reunited with one of my Y'ALL trip friends at Panera, and boy was it good to see her.  And currently, I sit, listening to my Mumford & Sons Pandora station, staring at the few cars that pass by the house, trying to organize my life for school to begin tomorrow.  First on the agenda tomorrow is teaching elective ballet...which actually won't be teaching as so much an orientation thing for the students.  After this semester, I will have taught advanced, beginner, and intermediate levels of elective ballet, so I'll see how they all compare.  Then I have Ancient Greek Culture at 10:10 and then, of course, ballet at 11:30...and whatever else they decide to throw on the schedule.  I'm so pumped to start learning Allegro Brilliante.  Yay life! 

Alright, Imma go figure out my life and try to get some rest so I can wake up for my 8 am tomorrow.  I'm sorry I failed BEDA.  Love you all.  <3

BEDA Vingt-Sept...No time to write; too busy having a blast

That picture was a twitpic retweeted by IU's twitterfeed of the pond in the arboretum with the Wells Library in the background.  Gorgeous isn't it?

This is going to be a fairly short post, but I didn't want to skip it completely because I made a promise to myself that I would finish BEDA and I don't go back on promises. 

I am currently sitting at my desk, which faces the window, which looks out onto one of the main drags of campus, and I can't stop smiling.  It is even more beautiful here than I remember it.  I know that this may seem like complete and utter bullshit, but IU really is one of the best places I've ever been.  I love everything about it here, and it took me until I literally drove into campus, parked my car in the garage, and had reunions with some of the most amazing people in the whole world for me to remember that.  All summer I felt like I was missing IU, but I was filled with sheer dread every time I thought about it for some reason.  But I really had nothing to worry about.  It is as amazing (and, perhaps even more amazing) as ever, and I'm so happy to be back.

Last night, I went to two of the dancers' apartment (along with most of the rest of the department), and we sat around and drank too much wine and played Kings and laughed and hugged and it was lovely.  And I love everyone.  And I'm gonna get back to having the most fun ever.  K bye.

Currently stuck in my head: Too busy having fun to listen to music...

BEDA Vingt-Six...Back in the promised land

I'm so glad I'm back at school.  While there's always a period of readjustment, when I was driving into campus, I was literally grinning like an idiot.  This place is so beautiful and I've already seen so many of my favorite people in the world.  And I'm taking major-taught ballet tomorrow and there's the Jacobs School welcome ice cream social (which has become one of my favorite events ever) and there's a ballet party tonight and AHH!  I am so happy. 

I really don't have much else to report.  Oh, except driving on the interstate actually wasn't superhorrendouslyawful scary like my mom made me think it was and I made it here in one piece (praise Jesus).  And I haven't decorated at all and there are still boxes all over my floor.  Thank goodness I didn't bring all my stuff today and the madre and Dave are bringing the rest Saturday...much less stressful to do it in two parts.  Also, I had Mockingjay sent to my sorority house, so it is now in my possession, though I fear if I pick it up and start reading I will lose valuable hang-out time, so I'm gonna hold off until at least tomorrow.  

Forgive the short post, but there are friends to attend to :)

Currently stuck in my head: "Mine" by the always overplayed T-Swift.  Does anyone else think she sounds kinda flat in that song?

BEDA Vingt-Cinq...Dream Weddings, College, and Esther

Coco + James // Teaser from Americana Cinema on Vimeo.

How about a pretty video instead of a pretty picture today?  Watch it.  Seriously.  Coco Rocha (for those of you who don't obsessively read Vogue or drool over Fashion Week, she is pretty much a supermodel...also her blog is lovely, so you should check it out) recently married James Conran, and she posted both a teaser and a short film of the wedding (which was in France! in a castle!!!), and I just think it is to die for beautiful.  I can only hope that my wedding will be half that beautiful when I tie the knot with the as-yet-unknown man of my hypothetical dreams.

I've been busy, busy, busy packing and have everything in the car set to jet out of here at 7 or 7:30 in the morning (yikes...gonna be needing coffee).  Please pray for safe travels...I am not really a fan of driving on the interstate.  I literally cannot wait to get down to Bloomington and see everyone, but I had a very odd experience tonight while packing.  I realized that this may have been the last summer I spend in this house in this bedroom.  In essence, this may have been my last summer break ever. (Well, aside from summers off that most ballet dancers are granted, but even if I have that, I probably won't come back home for those.)  It was just weirdly nostalgic and kind of sad and I don't know...I just feel a little strange.  I'm sure I will forget all about that when I walk down Jordan Ave. tomorrow, but still...just a bit of an odd feeling.

I'm off to bed so I don't pass out behind the wheel tomorrow morning, but I just wanted to offer up my condolences to Esther Earl's family and friends.  For those who don't know, Esther was a passionate Harry Potter fan and Nerdfighter and she touched the lives of so many within the Nerdfighter community with her pure and open and unfailingly kind heart.  I did not know her personally, but did follow her on youtube and twitter, and she just seemed like such an amazing spirit.  She passed away early this morning after a four year long battle with cancer.  It is very sad to see someone so young be taken from us, but it's also amazing to see the strength of the community around her.  What a remarkable young woman.  You can follow her family's blog here.  Esther, rest in awesome.

Currently stuck in my head: "My Name is Lincoln" from The Island soundtrack by Steve Jablonsky...it is the music for the above video and, when I heard it, I immediately downloaded it and listened to it 15 times tonight according to iTunes...I'm thinking about it as a possibility for choreography project in the spring...stay tuned!

BEDA Vingt-Quatre...So much to do before school

Oh my goodness, I have soooooooo much to do between now and Thursday morning.  It really isn't funny at all.  I'm literally going crazy.  HELP!

Today, I worked out at the Y (thank goodness it's open again) and then came home and studied basically all afternoon.  Upon my mom's arrival home, we made sandwiches-time out...I literally just typed sammiches-and headed to our local outlet mall (and by local I mean about a 25 minute drive from us) to do some "school shopping."  Can I still call it that even though I'm a college student?  Anyway, it was a pretty productive trip, and, while we shelled out probably a bit more cash than we would have cared to, I came home with a pretty great haul.  And now I can't wait for crisp autumn air in Bloomington so I can don my cute new fall clothes.

Tomorrow I'm going to the beach with my best friend from home and her sister, so we can have a final day of hang-out time before both her sister and I head back to IU and she heads back to Arizona.  I swear, we haven't spent more than a couple weeks together at one time since I was fourteen, but she is one of my dearest friends, and I never want that to change.  And then, of course, there is the laborious process of trying to figure out how to get most of my stuff into my car (my mom is coming down to bring the rest on Saturday) tomorrow evening so I can get on the road bright and early Thursday morning.  The only way that's going to happen is with lots of help from Madre and Step-dad.  And, of course, a GIGANTIC travel mug of coffee Thursday AM.

I still don't have my hands on Mockingjay, so please keep the spoilers to yourself, thank you very much.  I'm glad that fellow collegians, Marlena and Leah don't yet have it in their possession either, so I don't feel so bad.  Alrighty, I'm off to do more homework (with one glass of pinot grigio in me, which should be interesting).  Congrats to the wonderfully talented Karen Kavett for being chosen to curate the front page of YouTube today.  On a more subdued, less spazzy note, please keep Nerdfighter Esther and her family in your prayers tonight.  She is currently in the ICU fighting for her life. You can read updates from her family here.  She is truly a remarkable person, and I'm praying that she keeps putting up a fight.  And with that, I'm over and out.  Peace.

Currently stuck in my head: "Waka Waka" by Shakira. I'm reminiscing about the World Cup...totally missing it right now.

BEDA Vingt-Trois...Mockingjay and Fulfilling Stereotypes

The above happened on Twitter earlier today.  Kind of freaking epic.

I cannot believe Mockingjay comes out tonight.  What I also cannot believe is how I was supposed to go to the western suburbs of Chicago for the Magic Tree Books midnight release party, and how now I have to babysit (albeit only during the dinner hour), and there is not one single Mockingjay release party happening in my area.  I know...it's blasphemy.  Whatever.  I will wait patiently til tomorrow, I suppose.  In the meantime, I'm working feverishly on homework, reading Prep by Curtis Sittenfeld (which I'm enjoying a lot, by the way...I had always thought it was some Gossip Girlesque book about East Coast prep schools, but it is a surprisingly smart look at an native Midwesterner-she's from Indiana(!)-trying to fit in/blend in/be invisible in a school full of rich kids with rich parents in a world where nothing seems like a facade), and going to have a slumber party outside in the family tent with my dearest friend from home, staying up late, talking, and eating copious amounts of junk food.  So, no Mockingjay spoilers PLEASE!!!!

I'm sorry the last two days of my blogging ventures have proved to be quite weak and basically an epic failure.  But hopefully I will make up for it in the remaining days of August.

I'm currently drooling over every single thing in the September J. Crew catalogue including these beautiful boots.  I think I want to purchase either a pair of clogs, chukka boots, brogues , oxfords, or a version of the aforementioned lace-up flat slouchy boots for fall (as I cannot afford anything from J. Crew right at this moment).  Your thoughts?  I think I'm going to get back to mes devoirs (that's homework for those of you who took Spanish or German in high school) and figuring out how it might be possible for me to get to New York for the midnight release of DH Part 1 to see Sarah and others.  The only problem is that Thanksgiving break isn't until the 23rd and the movie comes out the 19th.  And things with Nutcracker are always crazy busy/crazy important before Thanksgiving because when we get back from our brief respite full of gravy and cranberry sauce and pumpkin pie, it's immediately tech week and performance time.  Hmmm.  But I really, really want to be in New York for that.  Ugh.  Please, please, please suggest blogging topics for the rest of the BEDA in the comments.  I really need the guidance.  Thanks, beauties.  Love, me

Currently stuck in my head: "He Loves You Not" by Dream.  Blame this child.

BEDA Vingt-Deux...Yet Another Epic Fail

Oh my God, fail.  I know I promised you a return to your regularly scheduled BEDA programming, but after a wonderful 48 hours at the Northwest Indiana lakeshore (see the above picture to be jealous), I now find myself catching up with one of the few friends I do still have at home, watching Harry Potter weekend on ABC Family, and getting ready to have an awesome sleepover because she is home alone and doesn't like it.  So, yet again, here is my failed posting.  I suck.  I know.  I truly promise you the rest will NOT...I repeat NOT...be like this.  And you can punish me if you want.  Really.  I love you all.  And I'm sorry for disappointing you blog readers and fellow BEDAers.

Currently stuck in my head: "Hedwig's Theme" (obviously watching too much HP)...

BEDA Vingt et un...RUSHED!!!!

So I'm writing this in like 2 seconds because we are on our way out the door to go to the lake cottage, and it just occurred to me that we're not bringing laptops and I don't even think there's internet access there, so this post is a total cheat.  Have an amazing Saturday and we will return to your regularly scheduled BEDA tomorrow night.  My apologies.  Don't hate me.  <3

BEDA Vingt...It's like the best music playin' in your ear

Yesterday, as you know, I sub-taught ballet at one of the local studios in town (actually, one of my girls from Orlando showed up and took my class...it was weird), and then my mom picked me up, and we drove to Chicago (all things know, all things know...lolsufjanstevensjokes...) to see Billy Elliot.  Oh my gosh, I am sooooo glad I was so privileged to be able to see it.  Cesar Corrales, a native of Mexico and National Ballet of Canada trained dancer, was our Billy.  OH. MY. GOD.  I seriously have no words.  He was so talented and had so much energy and endurance and AHH!  For some idea of how much work the young Billys have done see this video.

Overall, it was a terrific show.  I was especially impressed with Emily Skinner as Mrs. Wilkinson.  She was just brilliant and actually kind of reminded me of an 80s Northern English version of my old dance teacher.  And the kid who played Michael (I don't have my program in front of my so I can't be sure but I think it was Gabriel Rush) was just freaking gifted.  Totally hilarious, particularly in the scene when he wears his sister's clothes.  That kid is going to go so far!  The music was brilliant, and the set was very cool.  And it was also a lot funnier than I remember the movie was.  Really, I had no complaints, except for one.  The guy who played Older Billy (now, I think he was a swing, and, therefore, not the regular) was not impressive.  I mean, the scene was still brilliant--Billy dancing alongside his older self to Swan Lake music and doing aerial work on a wire--but the Older Billy was, honestly, not good.  Kind of chunky and noticeably not turned out with very little extension.  But, as that was my only complaint, it was an incredible show, and, if you live near London, New York, or Chicago, or the tour (which begins in November) is coming anywhere near you, go see it!  You won't be disappointed.

Ew, my cat just drooled on me.  Not kidding.

Tomorrow, my mom, grandma, Dave, and I are driving up to Michigan to spend the weekend at a family friend's lake cottage.  Super stoked to just do nothing but sit on the deck, swim, and drink wine with the fam all weekend.  Btw, according to a CNN article, red wine is one of the top 10 biggest vices that are actually good for you.  There...so one of my guilty pleasures may not be so guilty after all.

On a more serious note, I was talking with my mom in the car last night, and we pretty much came to the conclusion that I am far too anxious, as well as don't know how to believe in myself.  I have always been a worrier.  Letting go and giving up control has never been my strong suit, and I have freaked myself out to the point of hyperventilation or passing out more than is normal.  I am a serious planner, so living "in the moment" has never been easy for me either.  I am an overthinker/overanalyzer, who has to have everything planned out in her head for the future.  Uncertainty is not a good look for me.  And then there's the whole issue of not believing in myself...this is not to be confused with self-confidence...I believe I possess a great deal of that.  This is confidence in my abilities...as a dancer and as a person.  I lack the self-esteem to trust that I can "do anything" or that I am a deserving individual.  Sometimes, I think I've even talked myself out of success because I am too terrified or timid.  This is something I'm determined to work on this year, as I won't very well get a job without believing, first, that I can.

I also read this article today, which stated that for every 100 single women there are only 88 unmarried men.  Awesome.  So the odds are even more against me based on the 2010 Census.  Cool, guys.  Real cool.

Mockingjay comes out Monday night at midnight!!  YAY!  Mao's Last Dancer came out today, but, unfortunately, the closest place it is playing is Chi-town where it probably costs 20 bucks to buy popcorn.  GRR.  I hate that smaller budget or "more artsy" films are only out in select theaters usually.  Lamesauce.  I can't believe there are only eleven more days of BEDA.  I'm really glad I decided to do this, even if sometimes my posts are half-assed or totally lacking in the creativity department.

That's all I've got for today, ladies and gentlemen.  As always, comments are appreciated (iwantmoarcommentsssss).  Have a lovely Friday and a terrific weekend.  I'll be here as usual :)

P.S. I posted a "Dear Future Me" video a la Charlie McDonnell yesterday, in case you're interested.  I think I'm a little too enthusiastic and say "what was she thinking?" a few too many times, but oh well.  Bye!

Currently stuck in my head: "Electricity" from Billy Elliot (what else?).  Particularly the first two lines "I can't really explain it / I haven't got the words / It's a feelin' that you can't control / I suppose it's like forgettin', losin' who you are / and at the same time, somethin' makes yeh whole /  The lyrics are what is really does feel like when dancing isn't painful or terrible or awful.  When there are those moments on stage where it is sheer ecstasy. 

BEDA Dix-Neuf...Boring Meme is Boring

That picture above is AMAZING.

So, I'm going to Chicago this evening to see Billy Elliot, which means I will get back far too late to post on time, so I'm going to write now.

Nothing terribly exciting has happened today (or this week at all, for that matter).  I haven't gotten to work out much this week because our Y is closed and the next closest one is as ghetto as Caprini Green.  So that's been upsetting.

I'm leaving for school one week from today.  YAY!

I would kill for a chocolate chip cookie right now.

Aaanyway...instead of regaling you with complaints about not having anything to write about, I think I'm going to steal Leah's Meme that she did today, so here, have a meme:

What song are you currently addicted to?
Hmmm, well, I've been listening to a hell of a lot of ALL CAPS lately, and Christina Perri's Jar of Hearts has been overplayed on my iTunes since the episode of SYTYCD when it was used, but I think I'll say Mumford & Sons' "Little Lion Man," which is amazing.  Also, I heard they were the VH1 "You Oughtta Know" artist this morning, which kind of makes the baby hipster inside of me cringe.  Oh well.

What's your favorite season?
Well, I've been having an incredible summer, but normally, I'd say fall.  The weeks before it gets ridiculously cold, and you can walk around outside comfortably in a long sleeve shirt with maybe a light jacket over.  And hiking in the fall is incomparable.  I love going places with mountains in the fall, too, because there's nothing quite like those colors.  Oh!  And apple picking and pumpkins and Thanksgiving!!!!!!

What's the latest movie you watched?
Youth in Revolt. It was ok...I wasn't a huge fan as Michael Cera totally dug his own grave, but it was quirky and I liked it.

What is the one skill you wish you had?
Hmm...I guess I'd really like to be proficient at some kind of musical instrument.  I've tried and failed at piano, guitar, and even had a brief stint with my mom's flute in middle school, but it just doesn't work. 

What's your current fandom/obsession/addiction?
The Hunger Games and Doctor Who.  Yep.

What's your favorite board game?Apples to Apples.  It's amazing.  And, this is not a board game, but Zumi (a drinking game) is a blast...don't judge me.

What web sites do you always visit when you go online?
All the normal stuff...Facebook, Twitter, YouTube, friends' blogs, my email, IU's OneStart homepage and OnCourse, Tumblr, and usually anything that peaks my interest.

What was the last thing you bought?
A Dunkin Donuts large French vanilla iced coffee with cream and two Splenda.  I miss my two DD girls, Alyssa and Sarah.

If you win 10,000 bucks today, what would you do with it?
Pay off some of my students loans, throw down the money for LeakyCon, and put about half of it away in the bank.

Last concert you went to?
Um...well, I suppose a South Jordan concert at the Bluebird shortly before school ended (Btw, check them out...they just graduated from IU (and Btown will miss them dearly), but they've been working on their next album, and I have a feeling they're going to be pretty huge).  If we're talking actual, huge, big name concerts then end of September last year Ben Folds at the IU Auditorium.  It was epic.

What could be one of the best things to happen to you right now?
Hmm...I would normally say a boyfriend, but I'm learning how to stop looking, so I guess just that the beginning of senior year goes smoothly and I get cast well in fall ballet...please, please, please!!!

What's the last thing that made you happy?
That reheated steak I had on salad for lunch.  It was yummy.  Oh, and the fact that I'm going to see Billy Elliot tonight!!!!!!!!

Do you want to learn another language?
Absolutely.  I want to be fluent in French eventually, but I don't foresee that happening unless I live over there for a significant amount of time...as those 4 years of honors French and 1 semester of college French did nothing for my speaking skills.  I can write it if I have time to think, but speaking off-the-cuff is not my strong suit.

Five things you can't live without.
1. Family and Friends
2. My Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ
3. Books
4. Ballet
5. Mountains and lakes and the ocean...fresh air....and the outside beyond the cornfields of Northwest Indiana...

That's all for today...I'm going to change to go teach and then head off to the studio.  I'll have a full review of Billy tomorrow.  Have a wonderful afternoon/evening.  Love, me

Currently stuck in my head: Still freaking "Love the Way You Lie."  Make it stop!!!!!!!

BEDA Dix-Huit...Nineties Nostalgia

You know what I miss?  Old Nickelodeon shows.  You know the ones.  Legends of the Hidden Temple was probably my favorite with Keenan and Kel and All That tied for a close second.  I read this article this evening, and got super nostalgic for my childhood after-school television watching experience.  90s TV, where did you go, and why have you been replaced with iCarly and Hannah Montana?!!  By the way, my mind was sufficiently blown when I discovered Marc Summers, who hosts "Unwrapped" on The Food Network (which I've seen far too many episodes of because it comes on right after Rachel Ray in the evenings and my roommate and I in Charlotte would always watch RR while making dinner), was actually the host of Double Dare.  And, when you think about the fact that he was OCD that whole time, it's kind of amazing that he was able to deal with all that slime.  But seriously...mind = blown on that count. 

But in all seriousness, I miss that good 90s television.  So much.  On summer days, I usually turn on ABC Family (you already know how obsessed I am with their current original programming...if you're not, see this post) just to catch the 2 daily episodes of Full House.  Fun fact: I've seen ever episode at least 3 times now.  Why do you think I love Make it or Break it so much?  (Hint: a lot of it has to do with Candace Cameron Bure.)  Speaking of which...last night's episode!!  And the teaser for next week!  Dying...  Also, I think they're handling Kaylie's eating disorder incredibly realistically, and I'm really glad they put the PSA about ED's at the end of the episode, as well as having links to NEDA all over the site.  It really is heartbreaking though.  And I've totally been in Austin's position before...watching a friend hurting herself, trying to talk to her about it, and feeling powerless because there's only so much power you have.  Until she decides she wants to admit she has a problem and wants to get better, there's only so much you can do as a concerned friend.  It's tough business, so I'm really happy ABC Family has chosen to feature it in a realistic way on the show, as heartbreaking as it is to watch it happen, even to a fictional character.

Mooooving on...tomorrow night, after I teach, my mom and I are going to Chicago to see Billy Elliot, the musical, and I am SUPER stoked about it.  These tickets were my mom's birthday present to me, so I've been waiting a while.  AHH can't wait!!! 

I asked my twitter followers for good blogging topics, as I am completely out of creativity, steam, as well as brain dead and all I got (from two of my dearest IUBT friends) was "twix bars," "racism," "sex before marriage," "Why men have the upper hand in controlling a relationship..or kittens," and "how different Chinese food is in America compared to China."  Um...yeah, thanks, Alex and Jordan, but no dice.  Cannot wait to see the two of them in 8 days though!!  But I am starting to have that pre-semester dread of schoolwork creeping up in the back of my head.  Like, I love my school (and I actually really love school, in general, too), but the thought of writing papers and getting back into that whole swing of things has me anxious, per usual.  Trying not to think about it, though, and just trying to enjoy my last week at home.  I really will miss it when I leave, despite my intense boredom....sometimes the solitude is nice. 

Alrighty, I'm out of steam for the evening, so I'll leave you now, my beauties.  Sweet dreams, dear blog readers.  Love, me

Currently stuck in my head: "Love the Way You Lie" by Eminem featuring Rhianna. It was seriously on, like, 3 radio stations at the same time today.  I really liked it when it was first released, but it's getting to that ohmygodi'mgoingtokilltheradioican'thearitagain stage, and that sucks.  I hate when things are overplayed.  UGHHHHH!  The video is exquisite, though.

BEDA Dix-Sept...I cried in the car 3 separate times today because of songs on the radio...

Oh my gosh, how freaking cute does Diana Agron look in that picture???

Hello friends.  Today was another boring day in the life of Ellen.  My best friend from home was finally in town this weekend and we hung out last night (had dinner with her family because I'm their 4th daughter, watched bad television, and got delicious chocolate shakes at Culver's...yeah, our lives are awesome and you're jealous).  Anywho, I would have probably had another adventurous day with her today, except that she left to drive to North Carolina for family vacation this morning leaving me with my boring routine of working out, eating, and trying to accomplish something on independent study.  Terrible.  Except it was even worse today because the Y is closed so I had to drive to the Y that's the next closest and it is ghetto, to say the least.  Really old equipment, seriously run down, and I couldn't even find a decent place to do my abs.  Laaaame.  Another gym in town is offering their equipment/classes to Y members for 5 bucks a day while it's being worked on, so I might try that tomorrow.  Hopefully it will fair better.

I did teach ballet today, which was a nice change of pace.  I don't normally think of myself as a dance teacher, and I definitely don't want to make a career of it...usually I think I don't even like it, but I did have fun today and realized I'd been missing it.  We have to teach elective ballet as part of our major at IU, so this fall will be my 3rd consecutive semester of early mornings in the studio, but I'm not dreading it as much as I was expecting.  Plus, today, I mixed fun, "real" music in with the ballet piano stuff, so that was fun.  I even played "Summer of 09" by ALL CAPS...they all really liked it, which made me happy.

This evening I went over to meet my mom and Dave at my grandma's for dinner because my aunt was in town for business, so it was lovely to see her.  And we had meatloaf, which was delicious.

OMG so I cried during at least 3 songs at different times in the car today.  It was so pathetic, and I have no idea what is wrong with me.  I know I'm not pregnant...because that is just not even possible.  But I have no clue what is going on.  So weird!!!  My mom is packing up the car to drive the rest of my brother's stuff down to his college tomorrow.  It is still taking some getting used to...this whole my-brother-is-in-college thing.  Anyway...I don't have much else to report on my end.  Love you all.  Love, me

P.S. On a completely unrelated note, the trailer for Black Swan came out today, and all I can say is WTF?  I was so excited for this movie when I heard about it, but it looks like a psycho/crazy/wtfisgoingon kind of thriller, and it's confusing me.  I know ballerinas can be crazy, but this is too much.  See it for yourself here.  I'm not embedding it.  WEIRDDDDDDD!!!!!!!!!!!

OH!  Also, I got what could be some amazing news, but it's too early to tell...ahh secrets.  There seems to be a lot of that happening today in the blog world...ahem Kristina and Kaitlyn

Currently stuck in my head: "Love Like Crazy" by Lee Brice...one of the songs that made me cry in the car today.  Ridiculous.  But such a sweet song.  I especially love the line "Never let your prayin' knees get lazy and love like crazy."  As I'm working on letting go and giving it to God, it was nice to hear this evening.

BEDA Seize...Why I Do It

Yes, before you ask, that is me above.  I don't usually put dancing pictures of myself on here, so I figured I might as well, since that's all I'm gonna be talking about pretty much right now.

This summer, we had a...well...the only word I can use to describe her that's the least bit nice is interesting...jazz teacher.  Her attitude, inability to count straight 8s, and horrendous out-date-80s choreography led most of us to a loathing of her and a dread of her jazz class/pieces we had to perform.  Oh, and she made us do our hair like this for the show.  Anyway, the reason I'm bringing this up is because once during about week 4, she shared poems she had written with us about dance.  With cliche titles like "Why do I dance?" and "Let Your Wings Soar," you can imagine me trying my best to stifle my laughter.  You see, these were ridiculous explanations of why someone dances.  Ok, yeah...I understand that maybe at age 10, if someone asks you why you're a dancer, you'll probably give them the line, "Because I can express myself" or "It's freeing."  However, as dancers age, and I have found this in my many years of study with almost all of my ballet friends, that dancing isn't really "freeing" at all.  In fact, it's oftentimes quite the opposite.

In a sense, I am a slave to ballet.  Growing up, I often had to turn down invitations to do fun things with the standard line, "I can't...I have rehearsal," and sacrifice just seems to be the name of the game.  I've given up pretty much everything to still be dancing, and so have my parents.  Even my brother has taken the back burner on occasions.  The discipline involved in day in, day out classes, and dancers' love hate relationship with the mirror and perfection and their bodies create this kind of prison.

Sometimes, I really hate ballet.  Like, for instance, there are some days when I'm just so incredibly exhausted that even stretching before class seems like a chore.  And forget jumping high.  There are days when my body feels so heavy or fragile, I fear it might break.  And there are days when I feel so "off" and the teachers are harping and nothing is going right and I'm nearing breakdown.  That is not "freeing" at all.  That is torture.  But I can't quit.  I could never quit.  I think a lot of dancers dance not because it serves as an art of self-expression (though that may be possible in some improv classes on occasion) or freedom, but because they must.  There are no options.  I wreak havoc on my body every day, waking up in the morning with unimaginable stiffness and soreness and pain because I have to.  (I may also be a bit of a masochist, but we won't discuss that right now.)  And then there are moments...most of them happen on stage...where I experience an ecstasy so powerful and so overwhelming that I know I could never feel that anywhere else.  I've experienced plenty of heartbreak as a ballet dancer.  Hell, I don't even know if I'm going to be able to still be doing this for the rest of my life.  I don't know how long my body will hold out.  I don't know if the ballet world has a place for me still reserved in it.  But I do know that I don't see myself doing anything else.  I can't even imagine it.  I dance because it's not an option not to dance.  By the way, if you're wondering what brought this on, I found my dance quotations book on my bookshelf this morning and read the following:

"Ballet is full of mysteries.  Take the question of dancers' health.  Before company class starts every day at ten o'clock they straggle in, drawn and ashen-faced.  How it alarms me...Poor girls, how could they have even managed the stairs let alone survive an hour or two of class.  They line the studio with bags and bundles that disgorge a cargo of bandages and woollies, plasters and cotton wool.  It is less a dance studio and more a casualty ward as they pad and plaster bruised feet, tie scarves like tourniquets around their heads and waists, heave themselves into plastic trousers - gingerly lest they awaken past injuries.  As they hobble about I wonder how these invalids will ever bear the rigours of the barre.  Then, against all reason, a daily miracle takes place.  As the first notes of the piano are struck, far from wilting they begin to shimmer with well-being.  Their eyes open wider, their hair starts to shine, their skin glows and, as the time for centre work arrives the general radiance is dazzling.  The miracle is that they are drawing strength from the very act of dancing itself, living off it, and nourished by it.  As a long day of rehearsal passes the energy drawn from the dance seems to grow until the accumulated vitality is offered to their evening audience as an incomparable gift."  ~Donald Hamilton Fraser

Ballet is like medicine, I think.  It might not taste so good a lot of the time, but it always makes you feel better when you take it.  I guess a lot of people won't ever understand why I didn't choose to pursue something "normal" with my life.  But who gives a damn about those people?  I'm done listening to other people's criticisms.  Done questioning if this is what I'm supposed to be doing.  Because God would not have given me this incredible gift if I wasn't meant to use it.  I'm finally starting to be okay with  me...all parts of me.  If people can't accept the fact that I don't want to be a doctor or a lawyer or a businesswoman, then they can get over themselves.  I'm done trying and failing to explain myself.  I'm a dancer because it's the only thing I know how to be.  And that's quite alright with me.

I'm sorry if, in my attempt to not be cliche, I ended up sounding cliche, but I'm writing this rather quickly and trying not to overthink it. 

In other news, I finally finished The Hunger Games yesterday (I hadn't gotten to read for about five days as things were NUTS around the house), and, as I tweeted from the train yesterday, I am certifiably in love with Peeta Mellark.  Can't wait to start Catching Fire.  And Mockingjay comes out so soon!!  I'm off to do homework...I really need to finish a lesson today or my mom might kill me.  Have a splendid Monday, beauties.  Again, PLEASE (!) shoot any blog topic ideas you may have my way, as I'm running out of BEDA steam.  Oh, oh!  I forgot to wish Sarah and Graham Badger a most happy 1st anniversary in my entry last night (or I guess it really was early this morning), so Happy Happy Happy Anniversary, and may God grant you the most amazing blessings in your next year of marriage. 

Currently stuck in my head: "We Are Golden" by MIKA.  I LOOOOOVE him.  Also, that video is amazing because I, too, have run round my room in my underwear singing along to Euro Candy Pop.

BEDA Quinze...Late and Cheating

 

Found the above picture on Tumblr and thought it was too cute not to share.  Aww...baby Emma and Rupert...adorableeeee.

Ok, so before you get all Ellen-is-failing-BEDA on me, hear me out.  This morning I woke up at 5:45 to say goodbye to my baby brother, as he drove off into the land of collegians today (he's going down to DePauw early for pre-pre-season soccer stuff and my mom will be down with his stuff/to move him in to his dorm room on Wednesday (he's living in a frat house-oh great-til then)).  P.S. This whole my-baby-brother-is-in-college-now thing is really freaking me out.  Any advice on how to deal with the fact that it's both making me feel overprotective and old? 

Then I drove to Chesterton, got on the South Shore at 7:45, took a rather long cab ride really far northwest of the Chicago loop, and participated in Elements Contemporary Ballet's summer workshop.  I really liked it (and it was definitely nice to dance for 7 hours in one day again, as I haven't done so since getting home from Orlando). It was so awesome to be doing some contemporary work...and I worked my butt off, so all in all, no harm done.  Then I took a cab from the studio back downtown (which took forever), hopped on the 6:22 bus, got stuck at the 57th street stop for 20 minutes while they fixed some mechanical issue, pulled into the station 20 minutes late, and finally walked in the door around 8:30.

I had made plans with my dearest hometown friend, so I pretty much went straight to hang out with her, got home 10 minutes ago, and the result is a late (and pathetic) BEDA post.  Sorry for the lateness.  And the boringness.  Let's make a pact, blog readers...every day this week my posts don't suck.  Ok?  Ok.  Good night. Love, me

Currently stuck in my head: "Bulletproof" by LaRoux (it played on the radio every time I was in the car today...annoying!!)  Also, I've never seen the video til I just linked it now and...um...weird.

BEDA Quatorze...A Whole Lotta Nothin'

My baby brother leaves for college tomorrow.  I can't believe it.  As I still look at him like he's perpetually 12, I'm having kind of a hard time accepting the fact that he's not a little boy anymore.  He's all grown up and responsible and stuff.  And it's weird.

Anyway, I'm currently watching Youth in Revolt with the broseph...he would normally be out gallivanting around town with his homies, but most of them left for college today, and he's depressed.  Also, my mom and step-dad are at the Jimmy Buffet concert in Chicago, so watching a movie is pretty much our only way out of the boredom that is northwest Indiana.

I also watched a fair bit of the National Women's All-Around Gymnastics Championship.  Rebecca Bross is fierce...I just wish she would smile.  Her concentration is admirable, but I think I would admire her more if she would show some teeth occasionally. 

I took my first Zumba class this morning (as I was going to take spinning, but read the schedule wrong and got there 20 minutes late).  It was...interesting, to say the least.  It was a good workout, no doubt, but all the booty-shakin' wasn't really my thing.  I might attempt it again, but I might just stick to the elliptical from here on out.

Hmmm...what else?  Jeez...almost halfway through BEDA and I'm totally losing steam.  Any blog topic ideas you can give me would be greatly appreciated.  Night, beauties.  Love, me

Currently stuck in my head: "California Dorks" by Skyway Flyer....I can't get enough of it :)

BEDA Treize...On Living Passionately

I think I'm getting addicted to the gym.  I don't know if this is a good thing or a bad thing.  I was there for almost 2 hours today, and I want to go back.  Problem. 

Today, I didn't do much (yet again), except work out and eat.  Oh, and I read this infuriating article (btw, I'd love to hear your thoughts).  Instead of the promised So You Think You Can Dance review (we all love Lauren, and I'm so so so proud of her), I'm going to take my inspiration from Kayley, who posted a lovely blog today :)

Kayley talked about her favorite part of herself, and I'm going to do the same.  I have been an intensely passionate person for pretty much my whole life.  When I fell in love with dance at a very young age (I started when I was 4, but I think I really fell for it when I was 7ish), I fell hard.  I am so passionate about dancing, and I get really emotional when I think about it.  When I performed Serenade in March (for the 3rd time), I cried on stage because I was so happy to be dancing it and the music was so incredible and it was just one of the greatest stage moments of my life.  I'm also really emotional and passionate in my everyday life.  I am really empathetic...if I see others crying it makes me want to cry.  If someone hurts a loved one, I, in turn, feel hurt.  Sometimes, my passion gets me into trouble...at home, I occasionally jump to conclusions and my mom and I get into heated arguments sometimes. (We don't have a bad relationship; we just bicker a lot.)  I guess what I'm trying to say is that I wouldn't trade my passionate side for anything.  I know, that when I do fall in love, it will be wholeheartedly and all in.  I wouldn't still be dancing if I didn't love it so much it hurts.  And my passion has led me to my incredible relationship with Jesus Christ.  So, I guess my favorite part of me is my passion.  I know that people say it's kind of volatile to be passionate, but there are good things about it, too.  It allows me to love things and people a whole lot.  And I wouldn't give that up for the world.

Currently stuck in my head: "Dynamite" by Taio Cruz (oh, hush, it was on my workout mix today)

BEDA Douze...Spinning and Meteor Showers

Today, I took my first spinning class in my life.  I almost died.  Seriously, one of the hardest hours of my life.  I think I might stick with it, though, because it was definitely a GREATTTT workout.  But, holy crap am I gonna be sore tomorrow?!!  Also, my teacher, who is friends with my mom, is a freaking beast.  Seriously, this woman is in ridiculously not fair shape.  My dad takes her spin class at a different gym every Tuesday/Thursday (which is when she also teaches at the Y), which means she teaches at least 2 spin classes every Tuesday and Thursday (and she doesn't just teach...she, like, PWNS everyone).  And then, my dad said she'll run upwards of 5-10 miles after she's taught spinning twice.  Um...hi, can I be you?  Kthxbai.

After the gym, I went straight to the grocery to pick up ingredients for my step-brother's birthday cake...yeah, I realize that sounds a little oxy-moronic, but whatever.  I'm the baker in the house.  Thus, I bake when asked.  I made chocolate cake with chocolate ganache frosting.  It was delicious.  And bad for you.  No regrets.

I also played with my dogs outside in the really high humidity.  Which was fun.

I'm really starting to fade on this whole BEDA thing.  All I do is workout, do homework, and eat, it seems.  Failure.

The So You Think You Can Dance finale results show was on tonight.  I'll probably talk about it more tomorrow, but I don't want to spoil those who haven't seen it yet (even though I've already done so on twitter and facebook-whoops).  All I'll say is it was amazing.  And Alex Wong is amazing.  And I wouldn't really have cared who out of the three finalists won, but I am EXTREMELYOUTOFCONTROLAMAZINGLYSUPER happy with the winner.

This blog post isn't going anywhere, so I'm gonna quit while I'm (not really) ahead and go watch the meteor shower.  Love, me.

Currently stuck in my head: Every AWESOME song that was on my spinning teacher's playlist today.  From Matchbox Twenty to Hey Monday, it was glorious :)